Who Ate All The Pies?

Whilst thumbing (yes, thumbing) through one of the wife's ladies magazines looking for slightly erotic underwear advertisements. I found an article on these fine specimens:

"Look wot we 'ave 'ere ladies! Let's pull his pants down an' see wot 'e's got fer us"

I give you 'The Chubsters'. A gang of London 'girls' who are " a bunch of fat freaks who don't do as we're told." Or so claims "The Beefer", she is the leader, the one in the middle in the rainbow jumper and 12 inch turn ups. She formed The Chubsters back in 2004 when she was used as "a headless fatty"on telly. The Beefburger went on to explain, "A headless fatty is when a fat person is used, without their consent, to illustrate the horrors of obesity. No one cuts off my head so they can spread some stupid lie about fat people, so I decided to form a gang and tear the house down."

The Beef Wellington is seen in the picture throwing the gang's sign "donut hands".

This is all a bit silly. I do not doubt that it is real, after all it was printed in a magazine. It has to be true. But really ladies. Do come on won't you?

You really are not doing much for the image of fat people, and I speak as a fat person and afficionado of the larger female. I don't dig skinny waif like birds. I like 'em with a bit of meat on them and if they fart at least as much as I do then all the better. However, if I walked into an alley and saw this bunch undressing me with their eyes and licking their lips like I was some deep fried pork chop, I would be running in the opposite direction faster than a French person. Most men, if they are true to themselves, would admit the same thing. I know of no one, no matter how low their standards, who would take their chances with these ladies. In particular the first 3 left to right on the front row. Let's face it, you would chew your arm off rather than wake them after a drunken night of doing whatever the hell they told you to do. Personally, I would rather be kicked to death.

They have a website, ChubsterGang.com, which I have yet to visit and they claim to have over 40 (!) members worldwide. They may soon have a new member in Southern California by the name of Edwina Waring (single, more to love, looking for my Mayor McCheese), as I intend to infiltrate their gang and, to borrow the words of The Beefer, "tear the house down".

All this talk of beef is making me quite peckish. I shall have to insist that Mrs. Waring make an Arby's run.