Help The Homeless

Every now and again I watch the news on telly and there will be a story that really reminds you how lucky you are. Today I saw a story about the homeless savages living on the streets of Downtown LA's skid row. This story, like all the others reminded me how things I take for granted, some people will never have. So I put on my coat and drove downtown to gloat and taunt the dirty fuckers with pictures of me in the bath eating a turkey leg. Soon a crowd started to gather, they didn't seem interested in hearing how they too could have the things I have if only they would clean themselves up a bit, stop smoking crack, get a job and save about 50 grand for a downpayment on a home. Maybe then they would develop a bit of self respect. But like I said, they seemed angry so I left. They were probably just moody 'cause it's forecast rain.

As I drove home I started to think about things I could do to help them. It came to me in a flash. Every day I brush my hair, some hair comes out and gets stuck in the brush, new hair grows back. What have I lost? Nothing. What happens to the hair in the brush? I mail it to Jennifer Aniston. Does Jennifer Aniston ever write back to say "thanks"? Does she fuck. So instead of sending good hair to some stuck up ungrateful bitch of a movie star, why not use it to knit scarves for the homeless? The weather is turning a bit nippy here in Southern California and they will need something to keep the chill off their chests. When the weather turns warm, they can use it as a pillow.

The only question is, how much should I charge?