Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Danish Pigeons Beware.....

Amidst the media frenzy surrounding David Beckhams debut for the LA Galaxy and the intense scrutiny of the transfer window, one of the major events of the football year seems to have been overlooked. Today, teams from 48 nations will be arriving in Denmark to participate in the 2007 Homeless World Cup.

Held annually for the last 5 years, this year’s tournament promises to be the biggest and most exciting yet with the World’s finest crackheads, alcoholics and mental folks battling it out to try to take the title away from last years winners, Russia. Unfortunately, TV coverage here in the USA is limited to none at all and I will not be able to watch. Maybe it’s because the USA are ranked a very poor 46th in the world and they tend not to be very interested in things at which they are not the best. Amazingly, Kazakhstan are ranked 2nd behind Russia with Poland, Mexico and Liberia rounding out the top five. Perhaps the biggest surprise is Scotland who are a disappointing 33rd in the World. Given the standard and sheer quantity of homeless persons on the streets of Glasgow and Edinburgh, you would think they would be at least in the top 10.

The Scots Get In A Quick Training Session

For anybody thinking of making the trip to Copenhagen for the tournament, it’s not too late and you could probably make it in time for the opening ceremony tomorrow afternoon. Just in case, here is the schedule:

1315 – 1400 hours

Players pick their playing shoes from boxes of odd shoes and returns donated by BHS.

1415 – 1500 hours

Traditional pre-tournament fight over the shoes begins.

1500 – 1530 hours

Police break up the fight with rubber bullets and tear gas.

1530 – 1700 hours

Wounds are dressed and food and drink rations are handed out to the players.

1700 – 1745 hours

Traditional pre-tournament fight over the food and drink rations begins

1745 – 1800 hours

Police break up the fight with real bullets. The six teams with the least amount of players left are eliminated.

1800 – 1930 hours

Inspirational talk by Paul Gascoigne, refreshments provided by Buckfast.

Supplies Leave The UK For Copenhagen

1930 – 2345 hours

Traditional pre-tournament celebration of spoon playing, singing, dancing, urinating and fighting begins.

2345 hours

Players retire to their cardboard boxes for a good nights screaming and thrashing around. Tomorrow the tournament begins!!

GOOD LUCK ENGLAND!!!! I will be shouting for ya lads!!