Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

It's Official....

Sweaty arses are IN.... They must be given the number of people looking for them on the internet these days. So far this year "Sweaty Arse" is the number 1 search term used by visitors to the LB.
No fewer than 25 people you would not want to have coffee with have found this blog by using "sweaty arse" in their Google search. LB comes in at #6 on Google and it is my aim to make it #1, hopefully by mentioning sweaty arse as much as possible in this post.

Russell Grant - Makes His Own Soup

It's not just the 25 hits that I got from "Sweaty Arse" though, it's all the related searches that confirm the current frenzy over musky moisture in the crack region. Here they are to back up my argument...
Arse Sweat
Avoid Crack Sweat
Sweat Arse
Sweaty Arse Crack
Big Sweaty Arse
Help For Crack Sweat
Stop Sweaty Arse
Less Sweating On Arse
Hot Sweaty Arse Crack
Sweaty Arse.Com


How To Stop Crack Sweat
How To Stop a Sweaty Arse
Sweat Crack
Sweaty Arse Fucking
Sweaty Arse, Cunt
Sweaty Balls Sweaty Arse

Wear Yer Wellies....

Now as regular readers will know, I am no hypocrite. I would not make fun of nor mock the afflicted in a desperate attempt to hide my own sadness or mask my own shortcomings. For most of us who are honest and married with no need to try to attract members of the opposite sex, a sweaty arse is an occasional irritant. There is no point hiding it or denying it. We all know because we suffer too. Every labourer, every desk jockey sat in a shiny vinyl office chair, every hardworking doctor, nurse, pizza delivery person and plumber, pregnant housewife and peanut vendor, politician and panty thief gets the odd sweaty arse. Especially when the weather warms up a tad (like today). And what about the humidity? Talcum powder sales in Tennessee must go through the roof in summer. Chafing must be rife. Don't hide from it people, be loud, be proud, stick your bare sweaty arse out of the window and yell "I itch like hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Don't worry, the cops will understand, in a recent US Weekly survey cops were named as having the sweatiest arses amongst all of the emergency services. Border Patrol agents in New Mexico were second, Coastguard helicopter pilots third.

Finding the cure for a sweaty arse is like trying to find a pube in an afro or a funny joke in a Larry The Cable Guy special. It's never going to happen. Get real. Don't waste your time, go and sit in the kid's inflatable pool with a six pack and a copy of The Enquirer, educate yourself. Live a little, treat yourself to some silk undies, sateen if you are poor, avoid cotton and spicy foods.

I cannot close this post without mentioning my two favourite search terms this week, they are "Hot balls, frequent urine" and "See her tits in funkytown". I'm ecstatic that these folks found my site in their search for masturbatory pleasure and hope that before they quickly left the site, they at least scratched their heads and said to themselves "What the fuck....?"

The question I have is are their any of you still out there, reading today who found this blog by way of your search for info on your perspiring posterior and stayed? It's unlikely as the bounce rate was 89% and most visitors to LB don't come back ever again....fucking quitters.

One final thing, how can I do a post about about sweaty arses without this.....

You Know You Want It........