Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Yesterday's News

I'm usually a few days behind everyone else, except when it comes to fashion and haircuts when what I do today the rest of the world does tomorrow. When I say behind everyone else, I mean in terms of current affairs and events, so forgive me if this is old hat but I just learned that Charles Nelson Riley died the other day.

One of those aging luvvies who just delighted in being camp and gay before it was cool to do so. Back in the 70's he was a regular on Match Game, the yank version of Blankety Blank. Lately, he was the voice of The Dirty Bubble on Spongebob. Effete as he was, he was still no match for John Inman although he probably would have had him in a bitch fight......Pneumonia got him in the end and America, particularly gay America lost an icon.

R.I.P Dirty Bubble. The kids never knew how
gay you really were......

In other recently discovered news, I was just informed today that yet another excellent British Tv show has been bastardized and remade for American audiences, proving once again that they just don't get "us".
This time it's the excellent Creature Comforts which will begin on CBS on Monday. Fortunately they actually spent some money and remade the whole thing with new "real people" interviews and animation. They could have just cheaped out and done a voiceover with a new yank friendly script but didn't. I hope it's a success but will probably just settle for re-runs of the original on BBC America. I hear all kinds of good things about "The Office" but despite liking Steve Carrell just don't want to see it. Too many bad experiences with those that have gone before, "Men Behaving Badly", "Coupling" and so on. I can't stand Sanford & Son but will watch Steptoe & Son for hours on end. All In the Family is almost bearable thanks to Carroll O'Connor and Rob Reiner but not even close to "Til Death Us Do Part".

Why is it that US comedies make so much more sense to Brits than vice versa? Do we as Brits really have a much broader sense of humour or is it just that we have been saturated with American TV all our lives and have become accustomed to it? I would put Seinfeld up there in my top 10 shows of all time along with the best of British but how many Americans would put British shows in theirs (not counting Monty Python or Benny Hill)? Sadly, many British shows would never make it on to TV here at all due to content.

Bo Selecta! anyone?

Thank fuck for BBC America and even that stinks most of the time.

Is network TV's desperate search for a replacement
for The Simpson's over?

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Filthy Habits

Like most men, no, like most people, I have the odd filthy habit.

Bless me Father........

Filthy by whose standards? I hear you ask. Well, usually by the wife's standards. She has her own peccadillo's which may be considered by some to be on the filthy side but, of course, I am tolerant and never say anything. I won't get into them here as I don't believe in airing my dirty laundry in public. Not that dirty laundry has anything to do with it. Mrs. Waring would never dream of wearing the same pair of underwear for days on end, not without turning them inside out at least once.....

Anyway, for the most part, she is pretty forgiving and tolerant when it comes to my filthy ways. The rubbing of the feet on the curtains, the fingers that smell like arse, the melon rinds and the old socks. I can't really complain, but being English I must.

There is nobody, and I repeat nobody whose opinions I trust more in this world than the people who read my blog. Yes, it's true that I have never met you, never spoken to you or even traded emails with you (at least nothing that made much sense at the time.) But I feel a bond with you people. You are on my wavelength, my frequency. So tell me.....

Is there anything wrong with a man coming home from work, after a long hard days graft, and enjoying a nice cold beer whilst sat on the shitter?

I think not.

Mrs. Waring does not agree, she thinks it's a filthy habit. When I get home from work, one of the things that is foremost in my mind is to enjoy a cold beer in a dark room. Given the shite that I eat on any given day, that room may as well be my own bathroom as it isn't going to be long before I am in there anyway.

There is something almost cosmic about a shit in the dark. It's very relaxing. Nothing to distract you or take your mind of the task at hand. As mentioned in a previous post, I don't spend much time in there when nature calls. It's strictly business. Not being a person who generally mixes business with pleasure, it is good for the psyche now and again to deviate from the norm. It could be argued that taking a crap is pleasure, not business. I'm not here to debate that, I prefer to think of it as both, especially if done on work time, so why not enjoy a beer while you do it?

I challenge any one of you to give me a good reason. It's not like I am going in there with a sandwich and a glass of milk......

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


.... a chance to reciprocate and visit some of your blogs. Apologies to those who I don't get to or comment on regularly. My time is not my own and internet time is especially limited at the moment.
Thanks to my regular readers and contributors for sticking with me. I do try and at least read your blogs even if I don't comment, at least once a week.

I should not complain, as I choose to live the life I lead and am very lucky and thankful to be as busy as I am, with work and a beautiful family with which to spend my spare time. My schedule should lighten up a bit in two weeks as my college course ends, giving me one more free night each week.

On a less serious note, I have probably wiped my arse 10 times tonight and still it itches like the dickens. I keep farting and every time I fart a bit comes out with it thus causing the itching. I almost want to go outside and rub it against the fucking tree for some relief, it is either that or scoot across the rug like a fuckin' dog. I know, I'm fuckin' disgusting but I am a man so fuck you.

Speaking of which, misogynists everywhere should check out Dick Masterson's blog for a dose of chick bashing fun. I'm not saying I agree with him, 'cause you all know that I love me the ladies, but he is a funny cunt if you like that sort of thing.

Also, I don't usually do the "now playing" bullshit but if Ambient Techno is your particular cup of tea, then I heartily suggest Trentemoller - The Last Resort. Dark and delicious, best served at dusk with some cheap booze. Relax and be happy.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Miserable Twats

Aren't goths miserable twats? Sitting around in darkened rooms all day listening to shit that was mildly popular back in '86, reading the Marquis de Sade and watching Lost Boys over and over. Only going out at night, as vampires do, except when they run out of bog roll during the day.

I saw a couple of them at the stop light at Hollywood and Vine at 2.45 this morning, driving what might have been a 72 Subaru Justy, in full vampire make up, no doubt on their way home from a shite goth/industrial night at some shithole club or other. Neither looked like they had enjoyed a particularly good night out and neither seemed to be enjoying each others company. But I guess thats just how it is when you are one of the undead. I just don't get it. Enough shit is likely to happen each day that will challenge even the most positive of individuals. Why go about dressed to invite negativity? As they drove away, I noticed a sticker on the back window that said "Vampires Do It All Night", I'm assuming they mean stay up.

There were a group of them in the club a few weeks back, all dressed like Byron and wearing fake vampire teeth, doing what looked like a slow tango to rather uplifting house music. I'm not even sure what sex they were. They just did not look happy and kept baring their teeth at me. To say they seemed out of place would be an understatement.

Let's Pretend We're Dead....

You see some weird shit on the streets of Hollywood, even during daylight hours. The woman on the corner of Santa Monica and Highland begging for money so that she could buy new batteries for her vibrator for example. But at night, things definitely take a turn for the bizarre. The man in the gas mask, a lad in full red indian costume thumbing a lift, and somebody threw a can can of Mountain Dew at me from a moving truck and called me a black bastard.....

These things are what makes my life interesting, at least to me.