Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Random Acts of Revenge

I have stated before that I find humour in the oddest places. I have to amuse myself occasionally and if this is at the expense of another's misfortune or through some childish, petty act then so be it. I'm not proud of my behaviour, on the contrary I am often ashamed of it. Every now and again though I make sure that someone gets what is coming to them.
No matter how insignificant it may seem, I do get pleasure from knowing that in some small way I have spoiled some arsehole's day. Maybe I just caused them an irritation, a minor bother or small annoyance that they did not bargain for. Hopefully I cause them a major inconvenience, severe earache from the missus or considerable grief at work, but to be honest, I am happy with the former.

I'm not a cunt. I think I'm a fairly nice guy. I don't pick on the innocent or the inoffensive, just the people who wrong me or who I witness wronging others or those that I consider twats, wankers, arseholes or shitbags. Those that are just plain rude, ungrateful or who treat others poorly. I don't see myself as a vigilante or a do-gooder or a social steward, I just believe that what comes around goes around, and if you are big enough to give it then you had better be prepared to take it when it's your turn. I think I am. Does any of this make sense?

Today, I was at Blockbuster, a place that I rarely go to. Blockbuster is shite, they hardly have any movies that I want to watch and besides, it's a total fuckin rip off. Sure they have the online service now but they can fuck off, I am lucky enough to have Netflix and I'm staying with them. Blockbuster could have done what Netflix do all along, they just didn't until they lost a shitload of customers and reacted by doing the same thing Netflix do.....
Anyway, I'm digressing as my beef is not with them, or not entirely, though it is their fault that I spent so fuckin long there this afternoon because they didn't have a copy of either James & The Giant Peach or Muppet Treasure Island and thus, because of their shite selection and an indecisive 6 year old, I was forced to endure an argument between some fuckin twat of a wannabe cholo gangster and his fuckin pig of a wife/girlfriend arguing over their choice of movie.

It was painful. They were loud and cursing at each other with little regard for the other people and kids in the store. Normally in situations like this, if alone, I would be tempted to intervene but not with my daughter in tow. It doesn't set a good example and I would not want to traumatize her by having her watch her Daddy get the shit kicked out him should things go wrong. So it was all "This movie's the fuckin bomb!" and "Fuck no! I don't like Samuel L fuckin Jackson" and "Fuck you bitch! I ain't watchin' no Jennifer fuckin Lopez" and " You fuckin' asshole! We watched 2 of YOUR fuckin' movies last week!" and "Fuck you bitch!" etc. etc.

It became tiresome and I was trying desperately to hurry up the younger Waring with suggestions, none of which she fancied much. Finally the child settled for Muppets Take Manhattan and as I plucked it from the shelf I heard the idiots agree on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I turned around and noticed with glee that I was standing right next to the "F's" while they were in the next aisle. There was only one copy of Fear and Loathing, quickly, happily and with no regret whatsoever, I hid it in the neighbouring "G's" and went to pay my $4.49 rental fee, a small minded yet happy man.

As I made for the door I heard "Awww fuck bitch! It's out!". My work was done.