Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Random Acts of Revenge

I have stated before that I find humour in the oddest places. I have to amuse myself occasionally and if this is at the expense of another's misfortune or through some childish, petty act then so be it. I'm not proud of my behaviour, on the contrary I am often ashamed of it. Every now and again though I make sure that someone gets what is coming to them.
No matter how insignificant it may seem, I do get pleasure from knowing that in some small way I have spoiled some arsehole's day. Maybe I just caused them an irritation, a minor bother or small annoyance that they did not bargain for. Hopefully I cause them a major inconvenience, severe earache from the missus or considerable grief at work, but to be honest, I am happy with the former.

I'm not a cunt. I think I'm a fairly nice guy. I don't pick on the innocent or the inoffensive, just the people who wrong me or who I witness wronging others or those that I consider twats, wankers, arseholes or shitbags. Those that are just plain rude, ungrateful or who treat others poorly. I don't see myself as a vigilante or a do-gooder or a social steward, I just believe that what comes around goes around, and if you are big enough to give it then you had better be prepared to take it when it's your turn. I think I am. Does any of this make sense?

Today, I was at Blockbuster, a place that I rarely go to. Blockbuster is shite, they hardly have any movies that I want to watch and besides, it's a total fuckin rip off. Sure they have the online service now but they can fuck off, I am lucky enough to have Netflix and I'm staying with them. Blockbuster could have done what Netflix do all along, they just didn't until they lost a shitload of customers and reacted by doing the same thing Netflix do.....
Anyway, I'm digressing as my beef is not with them, or not entirely, though it is their fault that I spent so fuckin long there this afternoon because they didn't have a copy of either James & The Giant Peach or Muppet Treasure Island and thus, because of their shite selection and an indecisive 6 year old, I was forced to endure an argument between some fuckin twat of a wannabe cholo gangster and his fuckin pig of a wife/girlfriend arguing over their choice of movie.

It was painful. They were loud and cursing at each other with little regard for the other people and kids in the store. Normally in situations like this, if alone, I would be tempted to intervene but not with my daughter in tow. It doesn't set a good example and I would not want to traumatize her by having her watch her Daddy get the shit kicked out him should things go wrong. So it was all "This movie's the fuckin bomb!" and "Fuck no! I don't like Samuel L fuckin Jackson" and "Fuck you bitch! I ain't watchin' no Jennifer fuckin Lopez" and " You fuckin' asshole! We watched 2 of YOUR fuckin' movies last week!" and "Fuck you bitch!" etc. etc.

It became tiresome and I was trying desperately to hurry up the younger Waring with suggestions, none of which she fancied much. Finally the child settled for Muppets Take Manhattan and as I plucked it from the shelf I heard the idiots agree on Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. I turned around and noticed with glee that I was standing right next to the "F's" while they were in the next aisle. There was only one copy of Fear and Loathing, quickly, happily and with no regret whatsoever, I hid it in the neighbouring "G's" and went to pay my $4.49 rental fee, a small minded yet happy man.

As I made for the door I heard "Awww fuck bitch! It's out!". My work was done.

10 comments:

The Mistress said...

"I'm not a cunt."

*double checks to make sure I'm reading that correctly*

Manuel said...

Hahahahahaha, tremendous. Also, Muppets Take Manhattan, great choice. Directors cut with the Poliakov script I hope...

Fresh Hell said...

Heh... Stupid cholo gangster wannabes.

FirstNations said...

*stands and applauds, throwing large bills, roses, gold MGM chips, bus tokens, cash back coupons and whole-body fryers*

*there was a sale*

Troika said...

I have found that it's usually those people who think they aren't a cunt that are the biggest cunts.

I'm a big cunt.

Eddie Waring said...

MJ - Not "that" kind of cunt anyway...

Manuel - Alternate "gang bang" ending.

FH - He was wearing a "wife beater" too. The single most despicable yet hilariously named piece of clothing in use today.

FN - These MGM chips you speak of. Are they cooked in lard or vegetable oil?

Troika - Are you trying to say that because you claim to be a cunt then therefore you are not a cunt?
I for one am not buying it.

Old Knudsen said...

What a great final choice::::yawn::::: you should have let the wankers watch it thats better revenge.

Go see Rush Hour 3 I smell an Oscar.

Momentary Madness said...

Some I agree definitely have it coming there's no doubt, unfortunately the wrong ones get it and the shit heads come out on top most of the time. I only hope Karma's waiting down the line somewhere ( a place for us, hold my hand and I'll take you there hold my hand and we're half way there somewhere....) sorry I tend to break out in song these days I'm on strong med. Where was i, yes, some need their ass kicked.
Y;-) Paddy

Anonymous said...

You are actually a bit of a cunt Mr Waring... still you had been provoked..

Eddie Waring said...

Knudsen - I cannot bring myself to watch Rush Hour 3. I have seen the trailers.

Paddy - I'll take whatever you are on lad.

Mutley - Thanks for the validation.