Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Friday, July 4, 2008

This Little Piggy Went To.....?

As you know, I loves me a tale of the unexpected. An oddity, something or someone, an event or happening of such singularity that many might find disturbing or just not worth their time are things upon which I waste most of mine. A story in today's weird news section caught my eye and is worthy of mention.

First off, if I was going to go get me a dog, I think I would be going to get me a miniature dachshund. I'm not someone particularly attracted by the cuteness factor of animals but these little buggers are as cute as they come. Known as "sausage dogs" in England they appear to be the ideal dog to torment while they sleep. Small and not particularly agile, they look like they would be a good dog to tickle and poke with straws without fear of being savaged if they got angry.

Anyway, there is one less miniature dachshund in the world today after an Illinois woman had hers put down because it ate her big toe while she was asleep. Roscoe, the dog, was euthanized because of safety concerns when the woman awoke after a nap on Monday to find her big toe missing. The 56 year old diabetic had no nerve feeling in her toes and slept soundly while Roscoe nibbled away. The dog it seems had been attracted to the toe which had been bandaged due to a healing hangnail.

Cute but don't fuck with them while they eat

So I have questions. Once they had offed Roscoe, where they able to retrieve the toe from his little tummy and re-attach it to it's owner? Did they find the toe in one of Roscoe's little turds out in the garden and re-attach it? I don't understand why they had to put him down. It's not his fault, he must have been hungry. Perhaps there were no kibbles and bits left in his little bowl and in an attempt to wake his sleeping owner he began licking her toes and just got a bit carried away. He didn't know that she had no feeling in them and since she didn't kick him away why would he not eat the toe?

Diabetes isn't funny but dogs eating the toes of diabetics while they sleep is. Precautions should have been taken like wearing socks or slippers which might have prevented this from happening. Also it might be an idea to find a food that you dog does not like (this can be challenging) and use it to keep the dog away from your nerve damaged body parts. For instance, our dog, although he enjoys most foods, does not like the chips from McDonalds so if I had nerve damaged toes and were intent on napping barefoot I would probably place a chip between each toe and scotch tape some to the soles of my feet, thus preventing him from eating any part of my foot.

Another victim. This man's toes were eaten by his hamster, Ice Cube.

Lastly, I can only imagine the shock of waking from a nice restful nap to find that your big toe has gone missing. It would take a moment or two to sink in. What reasonable explanation could there be? It just fell off and rolled under the bed? Had the high value of big toes on the black market sparked an increase in theft? I'm not sure that "the dog ate it" would be the first conclusion I would jump to.

This lass has the right idea. If you must eat toes,
eat your own....topless (does not apply to dogs, blokes or kids.)

Further research on this story has found that the woman also suffered from neuropathy, was legally blind in one eye and cannot walk had returned from a camping trip (?) with her family the previous day and no doubt shagged out by the ordeal of being fetched, carried and pushed around in a wheelchair for 3 days decided to take a nap. She awoke to see the dogs head moving up and down and upon realizing what was occurring called her daughter.

"It's hard to take in when you walk in a room and there's a dog eating your mom," her daughter said, sobbing. ".... I didn't think when I went in there I was going to see that." Well... who would?

You can read the story, if you wish, here.

I am developing an idea for a whole new line of doggie treats.


MJ said...

Leatherette Beanbag is my primary source for toe news.

savannah said...

strangely fascinating, sugar....

Old Knudsen said...

I'd put my toe up that dog's arse, no reason just for fun really.

The lazy bitch should have been exercising instead of napping then she may not have to have her feet off eventually.

Probably too lazy to feed the dog too.

Fresh Hell said...

Yeah ... I'm still here. But as you predicted, the cat got my fingertips in a manner of speaking. I'll catch up sooner or later, likely the latter.

XO, Darlin'

Old Knudsen said...

I bit off a dog's toe once and eat some camel toe.