Hot, Hot, Heat
Fuck, it's warm. Toasty. Ball sweatingly, arse drippingly, uncomfortably warm. I would go as far to say that it's rather hot at the moment here in Southern Californ-i-a.
Normally, coming from the dark and nasty regions of England, I am appreciative of a nice bit of sunshine but, as always at this time of year, I pine for a nice bit of sleet or the finger numbing cold of an English January morning. It hasn't rained proper for a couple of months and won't for a couple more, maybe longer. It is dry. I have developed quite a thirst.
The worst thing about this time of year is that my intake of cold alcoholic beverages exceeds normal levels. Given that my normal intake of cold alcoholic beverages is rather high, this is a bad thing. Money-wise, it gets expensive. Normally, I will pay the extra couple of dollars for decent, imported beer. I don't poison my body with the crap they turn out here except under either extreme financial hardship or if I have (American) guests coming round because there is no good reason as to why I should waste good beer on them and they wouldn't like it anyway as it tastes too much like beer. So every now and again, I will put on dark sunglasses and a false "Groucho Marx" style mustache (in case anyone I know see's me) and I will buy "domestic".
Yank beer, on the whole is fuckin' cat piss. Yes, I know all about Sierra Nevada, Sam Adams and Bog knows how many "micro-brews" and they are okay. I'm talkin' about yer Bud's and yer MGD's and yer Coor's. The shite that generations of Yanks have grown up on and who will drink nothing else. I know lads that will only drink Bud Light period. I know lads who will only drink Coors Light, if you put a Bud Light in front of them they will not touch it. Don't even get me started on the Steel Reserves, and the Old Englishes and the Schlitz malt liquors. Yes, they get you cunted but they taste fuckin' horrid. They make the "auld purple tin", to quote Irvine Welsh, taste like Dom Perignon. It is inexplicable. As for MGD, my own piss tastes better and probably has a higher alcohol content to boot.
Anyway, two days ago I bought a 5 liter "Keg" of Coors Light. Years ago, party kegs were popular in the UK. Finally, the US has decided that they are the thing of the future. I wanted to try one to test the quality, and I was trying to be economical, so I bought handed Abdul $8.99 of hard earned and rushed home to "tap" the fucker.
The Holy Grail of the Dumpster Diving CommunityKids, eh?
10 comments:
In Canada, beware of any beer bottled by Molson or Labatt.
Knudsen's piss is rather refreshing.
Free beer is the best beer I've found. I'll drink anything thats free and will fuck me up.
Stay away from the light!
All those beers are truely undrinkable - and as for a huge can thing - well you should have known better frankly.
I shall post you a firkin of real ale from blighty - all you need to do is send me a few dollars for the postage.
*sipping a delicious Black Butte Porter and laughing at your misery*
Budweiser: Brewed Though a Horse!!
Drinking Yank beer in America is one thing but drinking American beer in the UK or Ireland is just insulting. And the tossers who drink it think they are being all cool n that. Monkey bummers. The worst being that Corona pish with that fucking lime stuffed in the top. Que? Are you for real. I had a chap through a right strop one night as we had no lime left. "Doesn't taste the same" he moaned, grow the fuck up you retard.
Eddie, Eddie, Eddie... You foolish mortal. You deserve the displeasure you got for even trying to drink domestic American crap "beer". I hope you've learned your lesson.
i personally like to be ghetto fabulous and stick to the old-e, st.ides, magnum, colt45, etc. that way i don't feel low class.
Agree with Bock. Played a night of drinking games with Budweiser once. What was looking like a fun night ended up being one of the most miserable I have ever had.
MJ - I used to drink Labatt when I was 16. I thought I was cool becuase nobody else drank it and it came in bottles with screw off caps.
Knudsen -
Stay away from the light!
Wise words, wise words.
Mutley - The only US beer that I truly like is Rolling Rock. I think its the cool green painted bottles it comes in.
FN - You are hardcore woman. That is beer you can chew on.
Bock - Not even THAT good...
Manuel - Yeah. Even before I left England it was allegedly "trendy" to drink Bud or Miller Genuine Draft as it was then known (now its MGD for the black folks). Here it's trendy to drink "imports", one of the bonuses is that the Stella we get is actually brewed in Belgium and not the UK.
FH - I stopped and bought 3 24oz Bud tall boys on my way home from work. So no, I have not.
Raffi - St.Ides.....Jesus Fuckin Christ that stuff is bad. You are either a hopeless alcoholic or just a sucker for punishment.
Milky - They don't use proper ingredients. I think they use rice and low grade cereals, skimping on hops and barley. Hence the headaches and frequent urination.
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