Israeli's, Tennis Balls and Fake Cripples

I'm a bit annoyed this morning, mostly with myself.

Last night someone, an Israeli, wanted to make a bet with me that Israel would beat England today. Hesitantly, because England have been a bit shit lately, I agreed and as is the Israeli way we began to talk money. He started off at $1000 and I told him to fuck right off because a) I don't have $1000 and b) even if I did I would not be putting it in the hands of Steve McLaren. I suggested something a little more reasonable like $50. He would not do it!!!

What the fuck is wrong with these lads? If I had agreed to the grand he probably would have taken it and I would have theoretically been $1000 richer this morning. I say theoretically because there is no way the fucker would have paid up without, shall we say, a little pressure. I just don't get them. Their perceived value of things is way off. I see them all the time at the club, they will happily drop $500 on a bottle of vodka but will go to extraordinary lengths to get a $5 discount on admission. They will show up dressed in expensive designer threads and stand around outside for a hour or even two, waiting for someone they know who works there to get them in for free. It's all fuckin' flash and talk with fuckers from that region of the world, big fuckin' talkers. They want to argue, get in your face, push buttons but then play the race/religion card quicker than anyone when things go south. Like I said though, I'm more annoyed with myself that I didn't grab his hand and shake it as soon as he said "put your money where your mouth is."

Tennis Balls
I've been working hard on a creating a new image for tennis balls, or at least finding a new use for them. After doing some research I have concluded that there are only three main purchasers of tennis balls. Tennis players, dogs (or dog owners) and people who use zimmer frames. You don't ever see a tennis player using a walking frame and you never see a walking frame user playing tennis. Similarly, it is extremely rare to see a dog doing either and the thought of a dog doing both at the same time is just silly as they are really only interested in chasing the tennis ball. You could argue that a dog owner might be either a tennis player or the user of a walking frame who gets extended use out of their old tennis balls by throwing them for their dog but I would say the you were stretching things a bit.
Apparently you can also use tennis balls for breaking into some older model cars but I'm not sure the industry would want that particular activity to be the focus of an advertising campaign. So I'm struggling with this. If anyone has any ideas please share them.

Mister Waring! Can We Have Our Balls Back?
Puuuhhhleeeeese?

Absolutely No Use For Tennis Balls

Fake Cripples
One of the few things that annoys me more than a fake cripple is getting stuck behind a real cripple in a narrow aisle at the supermarket. This isn't about real ones though, it's about fake ones, people who do it for either financial gain or because they are just lazy twats and in some cases, both.
I see this lad last night in a wheelchair, he's obviously not right as he is having a loud argument with himself about religion. Anyway, this lad is wheeling himself along in the wheelchair using his legs and feet. If he can use his legs and feet to such a degree why does he need a wheelchair? Is it his back? Can he just not stand up straight? Am I judging him too harshly?
I once saw some bloke on crutches standing at the bottom of the freeway exit holding bit of cardboard which said "Cripled(sic) Please help". Later that day I swear I saw him running for a bus.