Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Dream A Little Dream

The other night I dreamed that I was an Olympic gold medal winner......in shitting.

It was a new competition that was causing quite a stir. Competitors were strapped, pant-less into some kind of bondage harness on the end of a rope swing. On the ground below the swing was a bullseye like target with 3 rings, the outer being worth 50 points, the next worth 100 points, the inner ring was worth 200 points and in the center was a bucket worth 500 points. The object of the competition was for the "athletes" to swing from one platform to another and to poop whilst in mid-swing. Needless to say, your score was determined by where the turd landed. I won by nailing three straight buckets for a perfect score, a world record.

In the cold light of morning, it seems fairly unlikely that this kind of thing would ever be accepted into the Summer Olympics as it is way too exciting for them. There may be a chance in the Winter Olympics but it might be too cold for it.

The more I think about it, the more it intrigues me. It would require a great deal of skill, muscle control and mental preparation. Timing would be paramount, meals would have to be carefully planned and the use of performance enhancing drugs such as stool softeners and laxatives would have to be stopped....... I'm obviously going to have to put some serious thought into this before presenting it to the IOC.

Okay, so you waited for over a month and all you get is another post about shite. You have a right to be disappointed but admit it....you missed me.

I have lost about 23lbs, missed a dental appointment, read zero books and have so far failed to find an acceptable alternative to bacon. Enough of me, what have YOU been up to?

10 comments:

The Mistress said...

What have WE been up to?

Clicking like mad on your blog every day to see if you've finally done another shite posting, THAT'S what.

ellie said...

I have been sitting here eating junk food and clicking the refresh button, hoping for your return .. I have gained 23 lbs! Welcome back you shite poster.

savannah said...

i broke my foot waiting for you and your shite

Fresh Hell said...

I almost forgot all about you while you've not been posting.

Almost.

Manuel said...

nice, seriously, nice........

Jon said...

Swiss chard. I'll say no more.

Old Knudsen said...

Bacon Bits.









shite comment for a shite post.

The Mistress said...

And he can't be bothered responding to the shite comments in his shite post.

The little shite.

Eddie Waring said...

MJ - That comment was far from the barrage of abuse that I was expecting.

Ellie - Thank you. I like my ladies on the plump side. Carry on...

Savannah - Sorry to hear that. What did you do?

FH - I hope you weren't trying to forget me.

Manuel - Yeah. It's just who I am.

Dennis - Welcome. This blog used to be much more interesting. It's not all posts about cack y'know.

Knudsen - I like Bacon Bits. The real kind, not those Bacon Bites or Baconettes or whatever they are called.

MJ - That's more like it...

savannah said...

i know...anyway, i was walking and then i wasn't..yep, upright one minute, prone the next...almost 6 weeks now in a cast...