Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Enough!!!

When will this shite end?

I don't watch much network TV, especially quiz and reality shows, I don't have the time nor the desire. I am proud to say that I have never actually seen many of the most popular shows on telly. I enjoy participating in conversations about who really should have won Dancing With The Stars, I throw names in there of people who weren't even on the show. I ask the others if they laughed as much as I did when so and so ripped their pants or when you caught a quick glimpse of Martha Stewarts beaver when she did the splits. I'm not saying I'm a cut above, well okay maybe I am, but it's just not my thing. I don't enjoy them. I would rather watch an Oprah marathon than Big Brother or Survivor. Truth be told, I would rather be blind than see either.

That's a bit extreme. I don't want to be blind. Having womens tits described to me is just not an acceptable substitute for seeing them for myself. A life without porn is like a life without.....there is no comparison. I have three wishes, I don't want to burn to death, I don't want to drown and I would easily prefer deafness over blindness. They can fix deafness these days, or so I hear.

So, I just got through watching The Simpsons with the kid. Great episode, the one where Smithers goes on holiday and Homer takes over from him as Burns' assistant. As the titles rolled, I put her to bed, tucked her in and gave her a kiss. Mrs. W is out on the town somewhere, no doubt doing lines of coke off a rent boy's arse in some seedy motel room, so it is a rare night of peace and quiet for yours truly. I don't often get "me time", time where I can relax, put on the nipple clamps and offer up my sacrificial fluids to the weather girl on Channel 9. Tonight was one of those rare nights, so as I closed the kids bedroom door and slid across the deadbolt, you can imagine my excitement and anticipation of the pleasure to come.

I made my way back out into the living room where I was dismayed to see the face of stupidfuckinidiot Jeff Fuckin' Foxworthy no less. I'm not a fan of Foxworthy or any of those so called "Blue Collar Comedians". Fuckin' millionaire hypocrites that they are, did you know that Foxworthy has his own brand of beef jerky now? What's next? Larry The Cable Guy Lard? Bastards....

I have never seen "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader". So you can imagine my shock and subsequent "deflation" at the sight of Shiteworthy (wearing glasses, to make him seem smarter than a fuckin' 5th grader no doubt) introducing none other than Billy Bush.

(left to right) Not Funny, Slightly Amusing

Yet Another Beady Eyed Twat - Not Clever or Funny (runs in the family)

I had only seen Billy Bush once before, I think it was the Oscars preshow or the Golden Globes or something last year, so I was vaguely aware of him being a presenter on ET or some such shite and I remember thinking what a cunt he was then. What I didn't know was that he was Prez G.W. Bush's cousin. When you know this and see the fucker, you can see the resemblance and it makes you hate him even more. I didn't leave the TV on long enough to find out if he was in fact smarter than a 5th grader or even G.W for that matter. I think it's safe to assume that it was a tie on both counts.

Finding blood in your cack - More laughs than a
barrel of Blue Collar Comedians

I'm so fuckin' mad I could write an angry letter to Rupert Murdoch....probably won't though. I'm too shitfaced so I'm going to bed.

Sincerely,
Disgusted in Los Angeles

6 comments:

marky said...

Another Cunt Bush? I speak for all Americans when i say "FUCK THEM"! I also hate the blue collar comedians and their jokes too.

That toilet photo is disgusting. You not only need to change your diet, Eddie, but in my professional opinion you may never read this because you're already DEAD!

ellie said...

Sorry that the fella put you off your dinner...... meatballs with strawberry syrup and custard, must be an American thing

The Mistress said...

That's put me off my peanut butter and jam sandwich.

Fresh Hell said...

I'm betting that there are very few in the Bush line who are smarter than a fifth grader.

Eddie Waring said...

Marky - That toilet photo is disgusting
That's how we play round these parts. I'm glad you were impressed enough to recognize it.

Ellie - A treat to eat, goes down great with a carafe of bile.

MJ - Lying bitch, I bet you went and made another one.

FH - You are not wrong. In fact you are probably spot on.

Eddie Waring said...

I feel the need to point out that the cack in the pic is not one of mine. Not that I remember anyway.