Sausage-Fest
Just What The Doctor Ordered....(me not to eat)Lovely.... What a great start to the day. Nothing says Sunday morning like a frying pan full of sausages. Not the weak Americano kind, no, Farmer John can kiss my hairy English arse. These are the kind of sausages that made Britain Great. It's a little documented fact that Sir Geoff Hurst ate a plateful before scoring a hat-trick to defeat the Germans in the 1966 World Cup Final and what did he do right after the game? That's right, he had some more but this time on toast with Daddies Sauce.
It's no wonder that the European Union tried to restrict the contents of British sausages. Several of the other member nations reportedly filed a complaint that the sausages gave us Brits an unfair advantage in the marketplace. The UN have so far refused to intervene, mainly because Kofi Annan enjoys 2 or 3 with some Heinz Baked Beans and a slice of fried bread for his tea on Fridays.
I like to think that eating sausages has made me the strapping, virile man I am today, few who know me would argue. Even Mrs. Waring admitted, before rushing out of the kitchen (presumably to masturbate) that she was extremely turned on by the sight of me, in my string vest and best Sunday boxer shorts standing turning the sausages in the pan. I made a mental note that the next time our sex life gets a bit stale to throw a few in the pan and suggest doing it in the kitchen while they cook. On second thoughts though, that might not be such a wise decision, I might begin to associate the smell of cooking sausages with sex. It's hard enough not to be self conscious while eating one, olfactory stimulation might just be a bridge to far... Maybe the answer is to cook them in advance then just pretend to cook them while she watches through a hole in a piece of plywood.
All this talk of sex is making me hungry....
It's no wonder that the European Union tried to restrict the contents of British sausages. Several of the other member nations reportedly filed a complaint that the sausages gave us Brits an unfair advantage in the marketplace. The UN have so far refused to intervene, mainly because Kofi Annan enjoys 2 or 3 with some Heinz Baked Beans and a slice of fried bread for his tea on Fridays.
I like to think that eating sausages has made me the strapping, virile man I am today, few who know me would argue. Even Mrs. Waring admitted, before rushing out of the kitchen (presumably to masturbate) that she was extremely turned on by the sight of me, in my string vest and best Sunday boxer shorts standing turning the sausages in the pan. I made a mental note that the next time our sex life gets a bit stale to throw a few in the pan and suggest doing it in the kitchen while they cook. On second thoughts though, that might not be such a wise decision, I might begin to associate the smell of cooking sausages with sex. It's hard enough not to be self conscious while eating one, olfactory stimulation might just be a bridge to far... Maybe the answer is to cook them in advance then just pretend to cook them while she watches through a hole in a piece of plywood.
All this talk of sex is making me hungry....
6 comments:
You are one kinky hairy-arsed Brit.
Now I'm imagining gloryholes in the kitchen.
Invest in a splatter screen.
MJ - If I had a splatter screen I wouldn't have been wearing the vest and undies. Frying sausages naked is not advised.
Have you taken to making yer own? I found it gets a bit messy with all that cow left over except those look like pork, did you off a couple of pigs man? I hope you drank the grease from the pan like a real man would which reminds me, how did the bypass go?
Like all the finest sausages, their contents are known only to the maker which wasn't me. I ran out of filler.
I save the grease and use it to lube up the inside of toilet roll inner tubes on my lonely weeknight hotel stays. I'm waiting to go back to the UK to have the bypass done for nowt by a proper Pakistani doctor.
Daddie's Sauce?
Marky - It's a treat to eat mate. A cheaper version of HP Sauce, found on most Northern English kitchen tables at every meal.
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