News from Texas

The only things that come out of Texas are Steers and Queers. Or something like that. I can’t be arsed researching the quote or even who said it. I’m fuckin tired and my brain isn’t working well right now, so I’m going with that.

Anyway, whoever said it was only partially right. The state also turns out it’s fair share of idiots and there has also been a rise in the number of rabid skunks in southwestern Wharton County. 12 dead skunks have tested positive for rabies so far in February. This is four more than they had all of last year. A 13th rabid skunk and one rabid bat were found in the El Campo city limits in January.

Wharton County’s last rabid skunk boom was in 2004 when 22 rabid skunks were reported. There were only 14 in 2003, 16 in 2005 and only 8 last year.

If anyone in Wharton County is reading this I would like to do my bit to help by letting you all know that if you spot a skunk in the daytime or acting strangely at any time, stay clear of the animal, cause it might be rabid.

Baby Skunks...Cute but very stinky.

Actually, let me rephrase that. If you are stupid enough to go anywhere near a skunk at ANY time, acting strangely or not, you deserve all you fuckin get you moron. Who in the world fucks with skunks? If you see a fuckin skunk, RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION. It’s common sense, isn’t it? Skunks do not take kindly to intrusion on their habits. They WILL fuckin spray you and you WILL stink for fuckin days. Dumb fuckin’ hicks.


Also in Texas, some crazy bastard had his menagerie seized by animal control officials last week. Authorities knocked on Bobby Crawford Jr’s door to investigate a hit and run accident and were invited inside by Crawford where they were greeted by his 8 year old rhesus macaque monkey, Darwin.

The officer asked Crawford if he had any other animals, to which Crawford replied “No.” The officer, however, noticed a 50 gallon aquarium which prompted Crawford to curse before admitting that there were 6 piranha fish inside. Crawford also admitted to owning three alligators and a tarantula, although he said that one of the gators had recently escaped and he didn’t know where it was. Sadly, the officer made no mention of poo throwing.

Crawford, who is facing a $1000 fine and 180 days in jail for possession of exotic, harmful or potentially harmful fish or aquatic plants, cried on Friday when discussing Darwin, the monkey he had raised since it was little. “I live for nothing else….I just can’t believe he is gone,” he whined.

He didn’t mention the missing alligator or the possible danger to local children.

It sure is....and you can fuckin' keep it there.

Finally, from the Police Blotter section of the Denton Record Chronicle, Denton County, someone broke into a home in the 3900 block of Teasley Lane on Friday night and took a tube of Clarin brand lotion and a deck of Uno cards.

Denton County Crime Stoppers will pay a reward of up to $1,000 for information leading to an arrest in this or other crimes. Callers will remain anonymous. Call 1-800-388-TIPS.

I am so fuckin’ tempted to call and fuck with them…..