Love Is.......?

A free donut?

First off, let me point out that it is barely 20:30 (military time) on a Thursday evening. Tomorrow, morning I need to be wide awake and in the shower by 05:30 (also military time). I am already 2/3 the way through my second bottle of wine and things are getting a bit jibbery wongery, so excuse any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. Not that I give fuck anyway.

I tend to stay loyal to my people.

That is why I frequent the same donut shop whenever I need donuts. I am not a big eater of donuts, mainly because one is never enough and I can never eat just one. 20 minutes later I am fuller than a fat ladies shoe and in dire need of a shit thanks to all the sugar. All that said, I buy donuts weekly for my 'team' and for meetings. This week has been particularly heavy on the meetings so this morning at 05:55 (again, military time) I entered 'Happy Donuts' with a smile and an order for 4 dozen mixed. This brings my total this week to 9 dozen or 108 individual donuts. This represents $40.50 in revenue to Happy Donuts, which given that the cost of goods sold to them is approximately 2 cents per donut, equals $38.34 in profit. They should be called 'Fuckin' Ecstatic Donuts'.

Anyway, 'Happy Donuts' is owned by a nice young asian couple. I don't know their names yet. I have been bad. Usually, I attempt to get someones name on our first meeting, but at that time in a morning all I want is a cup of coffee, pleasantries can be exchanged later. So, this young asian couple, let's call them Bob and Joan, just bought 'Happy Donuts' as a "going concern" from the previous owner. A filthy, disgusting, chain smoking slope who went by the highly unlikely name of "Dave". This guy was a disgrace to the donut trade. Dirty fingernails, always scratching his balls and his scalp, spitting into the rubbish bin and so on. To make a long story short, he was exactly the type of man you would hesitate to buy a donut from, but the donuts were not for me and my 'team' were non the wiser as they happily ate their way through a maple bar and thanked me for being such a benevolent boss as to bring them donuts. On the inside, I was smiling.

So, "Dave" sells what was simpy known as 'Donuts' to "Bob" and "Joan", who promptly changed the name to 'Happy Donuts', no doubt in an effort to rid the place of its demons. They have done a great job, cleaning the place up and have perfected the art of service with a smile, especially "Joan", who always seems extra pleased to see me.

Now, I believe, or prefer to believe, that no one else on earth craves the white mans junk more than your average asian chick. They don't have much to play with when it comes to their own race. Most coloured lads are more interested in the white chicks, just to prove a point, and don't give a fuck about the yellow girls. Hence their fascination with men of my, shall we say, calibre. "Joan" is apparently no exception, despite the presence of "Bob". Her eyes dart immediately to my crotch and a playful smile wanders across her lips as she bids me "Good Morning".

So, this morning, while "Bob" was warming up a ham & cheese croissant in the microwave for another customer, "Joan" whispers "I give you free apple fritter" and winks at me somewhat covertly. I whisper back "Thank you" with a seedy smile and a dirty grin, "keep the change." The change was only 5 cents so it was money well spent as far as I was concerned.

"Joan" isn't much to look at. Probaly doesn't weigh more than 110lbs in a wet pair of panties, but there is something there. Something undefinable that says "I ruv you rong time Mr. Eddie", that I can't resist.

Next week I will attempt to see what 10 dozen will get me. Hopefully something a little sweeter than an apple fritter. A happy ending to my happy donut maybe?