Dentists, Cell Phones and American Idol

I haven’t posted since Saturday. This is not good. I have wanted to post, had ideas to post but just never got around to doing it. It’s already Wednesday and I am wondering where the week is going to.

It isn’t just posting that is suffering, I don’t seem to be getting much accomplished at work either. Paperwork is piling up on my desk to the point where it usually gets knocked accidentally into the bin, at which time coffee is accidentally spilled on it rendering it useless. My desk looks nice and clean and organized for a few days and anything really important will no doubt find its way back there.

Today has been a fuckin’ waste. I had grand plans for today. Today was gonna be the day that I got on top of things, got organized and set myself up for a relatively relaxed end to the work week. Naturally, things did not pan out the way I had visualized they would.

Most of the morning spent in the fuckin’ dentist’s chair. Bad news is I need a root canal. Good news is, he said my prostate felt just fine.

Balance of the morning at the fuckin’ Verizon store exchanging a new cell phone which does not want to send picture messages. Got a new phone after standing there for 45 minutes listening to the poor assistant trying hard to explain to an angry, poorly educated and extremely ugly Armenian girl why her bill was $600. She seemed to be struggling to connect all the international calls she claimed she didn’t make to Armenia with the relevant charges on the bill. Anyway, I got the phone exchanged, should have checked it at the store, didn’t, got back to work and found that I am still unable to send pictures of my balls to my daughter’s kindergarten teacher. It’s probably a good thing really.

All this, when I should have been at work being productive, put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day, and made hard work of dealing with imbeciles and being empathetic.

Lastly, American Idol, I don’t watch it. I don’t watch any of those shows. I physically can’t. I would like to suggest a spin off though, possibly on pay-per-view, as I believe the demand for it would be worthy of such an event.
‘Farting Idol’, why not put peoples flatulence to the vote of the American people? Get America’s finest parpers, quackers, queefers and honkers up against each other in a weekly TV spectacular. They can fart along to their favourite tunes, rip an arpeggio or two, squeak out messages in morse code or simply go for broke with the best rip snorter they can muster up. You could have an outtakes special comprised of people who followed through or drew mud while over exerting themselves. This is a fuckin’ winner.

Tell me you wouldn’t pay to watch this and I will call you a liar…..