Blogging Gold!!
Finally.....The news story of my dreams hit the headlines today when an Orangutan escaped from its cage and went on the rampage at a Taiwanese zoo. The beast pushed open its cage door and then got into a nearby restaurant where it terrified diners by overturning tables and motorbikes. Why the fuck there were motorbikes in a restaurant at the zoo I can not imagine, but story said there were so there must have been. I hope to fuck that someone there had a video camera and will be watching the news like a hawk tonight.
Zookeepers finally managed to subdue the monster with a tranquilizer gun and then scooped it up with a small bulldozer and put it back in its cage. Luckily this happened in Taiwan, a place where it is easy to make the distinction between an Orangutan and the general population. Had this happened here in LA or, I dunno, Glasgow for example, the task would probably have been more complicated and would possibly have resulted in a number of cases of mistaken identity before the real Orangutan was caught.
Things are not going well for this particular zoo of late. It was at the same zoo that six months ago, a 440 lb crocodile bit the forearm off a vet. Talk about biting the hand that feeds you. Luckily for the vet they managed to re-attach it with a a marathon seven hour surgery.
Obviously, this is a sign. The animals are mad and are starting to revolt. I'm not a huge fan of zoo's but understand the role they play in conservation and that in order to stay in the conservation business, they need to open their doors to a public that is all too willing to pay good money to go and watch elephants take a shit or monkeys playing with their dicks (I am of course, speaking for myself here.) But it is only a matter of time before something terrible happens.
It is to be expected in a place like Taiwan, don't ask me why or to back any of this up with facts because I won't (can't) but here in civilized countries where we take so much for granted, it is probably safe to say that not unlike national security pre 9/11, we have become complacent with regards to zoo animals and the potential for an attack. Before we know it, San Diego zoo could be a bloodbath.
I want to blame Steve Irwin. For all I know since his death there may well have been a rise in the number of zoo escapes, I haven't researched it but I wouldn't be surprised to find that it is true.
Better Dressed Than Some HumansAn Orangutan Readies Itself For Escape
13 comments:
"Finally.....The news story of my dreams"
Mine was the drunken guy in China that tried to hug a panda in a zoo, and found out that they bite. Fucking brilliant.
"Why the fuck there were motorbikes in a restaurant"
They'll probably have some excuse like "There's no law against it, and it was boosting the protein content."
"Had this happened here in LA or, I dunno, Glasgow for example, the task would probably have been more complicated and would possibly have resulted in a number of cases of mistaken identity before the real Orangutan was caught."
I imagine this would be harder in Glasgow, as theoretically they would have a higher population of gingers than LA.
"watch elephants take a shit"
Hahaha, when the Fledgling Sparrow was a little one, The Ex's mom took her to see some really expensive circus, and was not amused when afterward all the Fledgling Sparrow could remember was an elephant taking a crap. Honestly, what else would you expect a recently potty-trained kid to remember out of a 2 hour circus performance?
I am assuming you have some other excuse, of course.
I hope.
I imagine this would be harder in Glasgow, as theoretically they would have a higher population of gingers than LA.
Yeah, it was an afterthought. I started along racial lines then realized that nobody is really orange except the Scottish. Great minds and so on.
I am assuming you have some other excuse, of course.
I hope.
Actually no.
Got conjunctivitis and my sight is a bit blurred but not even that can mask the beauty of your photo. I take back what I said about you needing a back sack and crack wax, you look perfect!
My wife just told me the same thing. Luckily, you are both female and your opinions don't count.
Ellie, don't retract your statement.
You hold the bastard down while I heat the wax.
LMBO..great start to my day!
Orangutans are cruel cunts, when my space ship crashed in the future they wanted me to shag hot slave weemen, what bastards.
I blame Global warming for the animal madness.
to go and watch elephants take a shit or monkeys playing with their dicks
Elephants playing with their dicks, now that would be worth the entrance fee.
Have you read Edgar Allen Poe's The Murders in the Rue Morgue? It's a detective tale - some say the first ever - in which an orang-utan dunit. Murderous orange shites.
MJ - Why don't you both hold me down and Mrs. Waring can get the wax.
Savannah - The best way to start the day - laughing.
Knudsen - You may have something. We will get Al Gore on the job.
Mr.Eater - No, I have not. I have been busy reading "A Midsummer Nights Spleen" by Jeff Shakespeare. Next I will be re-reading Keith Chegwins Autobiography for the 12th time - a cracking read it is an' all.
motorbikes in a restaurant...wake up boys- fast-food.We wont put you lot into advertising. Jes, a monkey could work that out I bet that Orang. has a fast diet plan for weight watchers and you think he's just acting the ape. Come on wise up.
Y;-) Paddy
Yes, Steve Irwin started it all with his hippy "you guys can be whatever you want to be" speeches to the animals. We're fucked, you know.
Well I don't know - I was too busy reading about some 9 year old who shot a twelve foot long pig near where you live...
Paddy - I was told by a friend that they showed the footage on the news and I missed it. I almost cried.
Kav - Nobody can prove it isn't true mate.
Mutley - I missed that. I'm not surprised by it though. A 9 year old with a gun I mean.
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