Kodak Moments
A milestone was passed in the Waring household today. The child lost her first baby tooth. Luckily, I was at work and didn't have to deal with the frantic screaming and wailing that followed the momentous event. Mrs. Waring did the honours. By the time I got home, things had settled down and the hysteria had been replaced by excitement at the prospect of a visit from the tooth fairy. There was some debate about what monetary value the tooth fairy places on the first tooth and naturally, being a six year old who still believes in Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny, (despite the influence of some smart arse friends), she was full of questions about how and why the tooth fairy does what she does. For a man such as myself who delights in misinforming the uninformed, (you get your kicks when you can), it is like a blank canvas to Salvador Dali.
It's not just me. Mrs. W does her fair share to confuse the issues too. In an effort to persuade the kid not to mess with the tooth after it had been placed under her pillow (makes it easier to find - smart see), she tried to compare it to finding a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest and once you put it back into its nest, not touching it again because the mummy bird will abandon it (?). This didn't make much sense to me either and I suspected (correctly) that she had got into the scotch again. The child seemed very confused, so I left it at that. To try and explain would lead down roads best not traveled so I simply said that mummy was being silly and changed the subject.
I put her to bed and put the tooth under the pillow, read her a story and kissed her goodnight and she asked "how will the tooth fairy get the tooth out if my head is on the pillow?" Dammit! A logical question! Caught on the hop, all I could say was "Its magic, no one knows, go to sleep," I turned out the light and left.
A few minutes ago, the wife came out to me. The kid had called her into the room and expressed concern that she had just been picking her nose and was worried that now the tooth fairy wouldn't show up. She reassured her that it was okay and left. The wimp! I would have told her to stick that under there as well because bogeys automatically double the value of the tooth. I can just see the concerned look on the Kindergarten teachers face as the story was told to the class tomorrow...... But I'm a sick cunt.
10 comments:
I'm seeing a trend in bodily discharges this week on the Beanbag.
Aren't kids great at that age? I told my son, that boys would explode if they ate red fruit pastilles, jelly babies, wine gums etc. the result ... like a good boy he gave them all to me and he ate the green ones!
Clever eh?
I told my son he would never amount to anything and would always be a disappointment to me, hes a good lad and took it well.
Just wait until she actually loses (or swallows) a tooth that has fallen out, before the tooth fairy can get it. Oh, the trauma, the drama, the gnashing of teeth.... And that was just me. Luckily I'm inventive.
that's why you have kids! to fill their heads with lunacy and warp them. hell my kids were in high school before they realised that "vietnamese liberation toast" was in fact, french toast..yeah, we were great parents! *smirking*
mine swallowed her tooth eating pizza. oh the fun we had explaining how every little tooth is so important that the tooth fairy puts on a scuba suit and cheerfully sacrifices her fairy dignity to go scrounging down the sewer after them.
this upset the little darling so i had to write a special note IN CALLIGRAPHY YET explaining to the tooth fairy what happened, and apologizing.
sometimes these things backfire.
I told my daughter this morning that the whistling-fairy - the fairy that bestows the ability to whistle on little girls after they've practiced for a long time - lived in a mushroom far, far away next to the tooth-fairy's mushroom. She cried all through breakfast because "I don't even know how to get to the tooth-fairy's house!"
I used to make my children cry by telling them about the Bad Tooth Fairy who comes in the night, takes all your money and leaves teeth.
Now they're grown up, they take all my money and leave fuck-all.
FN said -- "so i had to write a special note IN CALLIGRAPHY YET"
Hahahaha, you too?!
MJ - I simply give my readers what they want.
Ellie - Red Fruit Pastilles are the best aren't they? I like Orange ones too.
Knudsen - Back in the 40's you could tell kids that kind of stuff and know that it was building character. Nowadays they would just go crying to child services.
Sparrow - We have a number of dog teeth put aside for just an occasion.
Savannah - I refuse to eat anything with the word "French" in the title, except for Mr. Kiplings French Fancies, I am quit partial to those.
FN - A tooth that has been picked out of poo is only worth half that of a clean one.
Sam - Set your kids up for the grim reality of grown up life by learning the pain of inadequacy early on. I like it.
Bock - Sometimes, you scare me.
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