Rejected!
I'm not exactly over sensitive when it comes to handling rejection. I don't really mind. Every "no" moves you one step closer to a "yes", right? At least that's what I believe. You can't go through life giving up, you won't ever get anywhere. Christopher Reeve never gave up on his dream to walk again and look what happened to him.
Okay, that's a bad example 'cause he died before he made it didn't he? He didn't give up though...
I have been not once, this week, but twice rejected. First by the comic relief book, which I never really thought I would get in anyway but thought I should give it a shot. Then today, I find out that despite being nominated for some dubious post of the week thingy, I didn't even make the shortlist. The "short"list by the way was 10 posts, 15 were nominated. I'm not bitter, I didn't have time to read any of the other posts, so it's probably fair to say that they were probably much wittier, cleaner, safer, non-defamatory and just downright better than the shite I wrote about Marlon Brando's shit stained undies so fair play to 'em.
I've been trying to think of my biggest rejections and really struggled to come up with many but here is what I got:
Application to join the Cheshire Constabulary - Rejected. This actually turned out to be a win as I had been abstaining from drugs in a serious attempt to become a bobby. I don't know what I was thinking at the time but it seemed like a steady job. Anyway, suffice to say I have had infinately more fun taking drugs than I would have had being a rozzer.
Application to join the Brittannia Music Club - Rejected. Ironic that I had six other memberships under various made up names, including the budgie's, but when I applied in my own name they told me to fuck off. Their selection was shite anyway and did not accurately reflect my musical tastes at the time, or ever for that matter.
Application to re-join my old Rugby Club - Rejected. "There is no place at this club for thugs young man. Your behaviour has brought shame and disgrace upon not just yourself but the club as a whole." Least said about that the better but those thick Irish fuckers started it.
Various submissions to the New Yorker Magazine - All rejected. "We regret to inform you Mr. Waring that once again we will not be publishing your "artwork" in the New Yorker. As we have made quite clear on several occasions, ours is a highbrow publication. We have no interest, nor will we ever have in publishing crudely drawn cartoons of human and/or animal genitalia. I would also like to take this opportunity to remind you that the New Yorker crossword puzzle is intended to stimulate the minds of our readers with challenging cryptic clues. Your continued suggestions that we make it easier by adding "rhymes with______" to the end of every clue are no longer welcome. Please cease and desist from contacting us ever again. If you do not refrain from contacting us, you will find the matter in the hands of our attorneys."
I need some fuggin sleep.
12 comments:
You really had my sympathy, my heart strings were being tugged then ..............
"thick Irish fuckers"
Now all I can think is, the best man wins ;)
Ah now, be fair to poor old Eddie. He's still getting over the fact that Ireland and France won by huge scores yesterday while England were beaten by Scunthorpe - oops sorry - by Wales.
Ellie - I know that I have several Irish readers and intended to offend every single one of them. But, because I like you, I will rephrase that remark to thick fuckers who just happened to be Irish.
Bock - English rugby is indeed in a sorry state. I'm more of a Rugby League man myself, although I played both codes, until "the Irish incident" that is.
Thanks! That makes it all so much better! :)
Like you Mr Waring rejection has been the story of my life - most recently I was rejected for membership of the Guards Club on the entirely unreasonable grounds that I had never been a member of the guards - I shall apply for Special Forces, I am sure it will go better!
jeeze, eddie, you live in cali, right? go apply to the los angeles county police force. past history proves them to be very, um, 'inclusive'.
at least, they dont let little things like a past federal conviction hold back the admissions process.
this is assuming you have past federal convictions. you seem like you might.
hey, i'm only thinking of you, ok?
Ellie - I'm all about making things better.
Mutley - Fuck 'em! Elitist bastards. Who do they think they are? You need be called something like H.F.W. Smythe-Ffotheringay or summat to get in those places. Anybody with a chin isn't allowed in.
First Nations - I have no federal convictions, although there was another E. Waring who, in a certain light, bore a striking resemblance to me and who was convicted of running moonshine that he was making in a still located on government land.
Regarding the LAPD, I already have the uniform and all the equipment and have been practising. I had to handcuff Mrs. Waring just last night for resisting arrest, she had been very naughty and needed to be taught a lesson.
you're in los angeles, you say? oh my
I joined the Brittania music club too because I thought I'd get a free T'Pau album or something. I think I got six free tapes I thought I wanted actually, but was then forced to buy 3 more extra rubbish ones. Then they kept hounding me until I had to hide from the postman. I wish I could say I learnt something from this about suck-you-in-through-your-own-greed scams? I am a prize sucker. I bought Billy Mays Orange Clean from the telly ad, for Chrissakes. It's that bad.
I entered you for the Old Knudsen best Blog award but then I rejected you for a Blog about someones cute baby so add that to yer list. I'm a fellow reject, I just consider those that reject me as morons and put them on my list of death.
I wish you hadn't mentioned the rozzers.
I thought you were alright for a minute there.
Cunt.
Savannah - Welcome and ....er...yeah.
Sam - I was almost tempted to buy the spaghetti straining saucepan thing, then realised I already had a saucepan and a colander which worked just fine.
Knudsen - I know you are a sucker for small children. don't worry about it mate.
Lambent - Is there some legal reason you are in Hong Kong then?
Post a Comment