Legal Question
Change in urination
Vomiting
Diarreah
Depression
Listlessness
Loss of appetite
With the exception of loss of appetite, I have been suffering from all of the above at various times over the past several days. It can mean only one thing, acute renal failure.
Let's just suppose that if I had eaten some tainted pet food, and I'm not saying that I did, but let's just suppose that if I had become senselessly drunk and woken up next to three empty cans of Meaty Mega Chunks Rabbit Heart Flavour Dog Food, would I have a case?
There certainly isn't any kind of warning on the can advising me NOT to eat it, in fact the description on the label of "savoury, mouthwatering, tender cuts of meat in a thick luxurious gravy" is almost an invitation to eat it. And you know how it is when you have had a drink or a joint, not that I'm advocating drinking and smoking of weed, not at the same time anyway, that wouldn't be right, not on a Sunday.
I'm not looking for millions of dollars here, although if it's on offer I wouldn't say no. But surely some kind of compensation is in order. The sofa is ruined and so are some items of Mrs. Warings undergarments which I was definately not wearing at the time. The fuckin' dog isn't going to bathe itself either.....
Where the fuck is Johnnie Cochran when you need him?
14 comments:
Are you a character from Trainspotting?
Frederick's of Hollywood offers a "Queen Size" range of ladies' undergarments.
Not that you'd be interested in that sort of thing.
Let's have a look at you. Say Aaaaah! My what canines you seem to have grown, Mr Waring! And what a damp nose!
Hmm, temperature's a bit high, skin's a bit hairy, eyes are a little bit, um, red and glowing, and your breath smells like you've been eating Los Angelenos.
There can be no doubt about it, I'm afraid. You seem to have turned into a Hollywood werewolf. It's like a Common Werewolf only in the folds of your fur you'll probably find you've grown a mobile phone and a Blackberry.
I can only advise you avoid eating members of the public coming out of Mexican restaurants. I think the spices are disagreeing with you and you probably ought to cut back on partially digested re-fried beans too.
you look at the pictures on the tins and the dog food looks better than people food, and its cheaper and with enough brown sauce (from a bottle not yer arse) it doesn't taste that bad.
Having been a Doctor myself I'd say you have aids. Don't worry lad a couple of asperin will see you right.
Go for this shit next time. I swear by it and I've never had top take a sickie in my life.
http://www.petacular.com/products/Merrick-Dog-Food.html
I used to work in a pet shop - you can get this doggy gravy stuff that's absolutely delicious. Especially with some Pedigree Chum.
Thanks Eddie -- Now I know what's wrong with me! I guess I won't need those consults with the specialists after all.
i have found that tis bst to never ever ever store animal food anywhere near people food...makes life all the less complicated...
and thank you for the welcome :)
If it wasn't meant for human consumption why woud they have put "savoury, mouthwatering, tender cuts of meat in a thick luxurious gravy" on the label, do they think the dogs are reading it?
invent a self bathing dog..
now thats a money maker !
Lambent - I fuckin feel like one.
MJ - I buy my ladies underwear at the local charity shop. They always have plenty of the larger sizes.
Sam - Would this also explain my urge to lick my own balls?
Knudsen - My insurance doesn't cover anything slightly serious so I hope not.
Kav - Mrs. Waring and I have used the doggie gravy many times, although not on our food.
FS - Welcome back! Hope you are feeling better. Pictures of my lad are on the way.
Savannah - Same for the medicine. I took dog worming tablets instead of ecstasy one time. Didn't get high at all, although I didn't get worms either.
Ellie - You are just being silly now.
Cynnie - Hello and welcome! I have been working on a wooden contraption that would suspend a dog over sandpit for some time. Your idea is better though.
I like that brand - but it almost certainly does cause renal failure Mr W, sorry to say I feel you are not long for this world. Do you have a wet nose, is your coat bright and are your eyes clear? all depends on this...
As long as you didn't eat the stuff that says WARNING! CAN CAUSE ACUTE RENAL FAILURE, I'd say you have a very strong case.
Mutley - Thats what I get for shopping in the damaged goods bin at the supermarket.
Bock - That part of the label was missing, hence the items being in the reduced bin.
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