Just Call In Sick

An Encino Nanny came clean this week and admitted that her claims that some bloke was frequenting a local park and offering nannies money to buy the babies they were caring for, were false. She had lied about it because she didn't want to take the baby for a walk. I suspected that this was the case all along. She went to extraordinary lengths to avoid physical excercise, the lazy cow.

It did seem far fetched. It was after all an odd tactic. You don't often hear of this kind of behaviour, human trafficking being frowned upon more than actual kidnap these days. You can understand (almost) some nutjob going to a park and stealing a baby cause thats what they do, but actually going to a park and offering to buy a baby is just daft. The risk is too high, the chances of asking someone who not only does not want to sell their baby but would also be tempted to alert the authorities are rather high. Plus, even if you find someone willing to sell, the asking price would almost certainly be prohibitive. Why lay out a small fortune when you can just steal one? And, speaking of risk, if the kid turns out to be a fuckin idiot you may as well have just flushed your money down the bog. Steal a mong, on the other hand, and you can just put it back where you found it without being out of pocket except for maybe a few quid spent on food and nappies.

Certain sections of society get quite upset when the topic of trade in humans comes up. As you can imagine, the LAPD were anxious to speak with this man, especially after a 2nd report was made a day later that the man had returned to the same park (even more unlikely) and approached a different Nanny. The reality of it all is quite disappointing for me. I was very interested in the real facts of the case. The ones that the cops did not release. Like, how much did she claim this man offered for the baby? What would be a fair price on the open market for a baby? Would the gender, colour, size make a difference?

I once had to counsel an employee who had been offered a baby for sale at the Social Security Office in Van Nuys. Not being a particularly bright lad, he had taken the womans phone number and told her that he had a sister who might be interested, having tried for several years to conceive without success. I listened with amazement as he told me about this and how he had arranged for his sister to come into town and meet the woman and the baby. He seemed quite sure that he was doing a service to the community by taking this kid of the womans hands and putting it into the hands of his barren sister. This is the same guy who without question, gave a vial of his blood to a nurse at a clinic because she told him she needed it for a "school project". Like I said, not too bright....

My advice to the nanny? All you had to do was pretend you had the shits or a bad knee or something? Fuck, couldn't you have just used the old "time of the month" routine? Womens problems? You could have said that little Irving had a temperature and you didn't want to risk it. If you are going to lie, make it fuckin believable.....