Wake Me Up At Half Time

It's time once again for the annual snooze fest that is the Superbowl. Nothing could be lower on my list of priorities today than sitting watching what is historically a poor example of a poor sport. I know I'm going to infuriate any Yanks reading but that's probably why I am doing this.

I'm sorry America but when the commercials attract more interest than the actual game something is wrong. Indeed not just the Superbowl but the entire sport is ruled by advertising and games are played according to the whims of the network which sold the ad time.Last years game was upstaged by Janet Jackson flopping out a tit, the shock, the horror, the disgrace! Or was that two years ago? I don't remember, all I do know is that people were not talking about the game for the next several weeks were they?

The same could be said of the NBA to a lesser extent and Major League Baseball which is a slow game anyway and the ads are needed to allow you to go and piss out the 4 pints of beer you just drank watching one inning.

I don't follow the NFL. I watch the college game now and again because they seem to be willing to take chances and actually do something creative on the field rather than stick to a game plan to the letter. I'm a football (real football!) and rugby man. 80 or 90 minutes, end to end with a break for a cup of tea and a slice of orange then back to it. No time outs to speak of and no endless debates about whether or not DeAndre Washington put his little toe out of bounds before he caught the ball or after. Of course debates such as this allow for even more commercials while they make up their minds and bring out the tape measure.

NFL players are pussy's. Soft shites who almost always take a knee rather than hit some fucker head on and generate some excitement. The moronic wanker commentators go on and on about how big these guys are and what great athletes they are. Big yes. Athletes no. I'll concede that the running backs and wide receivers are athletic, they spent their teenage years running from the cops and robbing houses. You need to stay in fairly good shape to be successful at that. The linebackers on the other hand are big fuckin' puddin's and do fuck all except stand in the way trying to swat some other big lummox away. Watch a game of Super League or Guinness Premiership, Magners League or Heineken Cup. They are some fuckin' athletes.

American sport on the whole is poor. I'm not gonna apologize. It's shite. You don't get nearly enough streakers and your insistence on there being a winner is tiresome. Overtime, Double Overtime, Triple Overtime, Extra Innings.....Fuck off and call it a draw.

While I'm on one here, let's talk about MLS. You wasted your money on Beckham you fuckin' gimps. He's a larger, older fish in a stagnant pond of small, severely handicapped fish. Your average MLS game is like watching a Lancashire Combination relegation battle. I can't watch MLS. It hurts my eyes and my ears and makes me feel ill. The marriage of shit football and commentators who haven't got the first fuckin' clue is too much for me to handle. I'm not fuckin' interested which school the players went to or what their brothers do for a living. I don't give a shit about their hobbies or interests. Just stick to the game as it was meant to be played and stop trying to reinvent it and make it your own.

Even horse racing and car racing is simplified to the point where they just go round in circles. I think hockey is the only true sport you have and nobody watches that, I'll give you basketball as well cause I'm feeling generous.

Wake up America. Get rid of the commercials and speed up the games. You might even attract enough new viewers and fans to make up for the lost millions in advertising revenue.

Fuck it. Just for the hell of it here it is again.

Despicable! There were kids watching y'know.