Lottery Dreams
One of these Wednesdays I will remember to buy a ticket and when I do, it will without doubt be a winner.
The first thing I am going to do is buy an antique Louis XV chaise lounge which I may consider having reupholstered in blue leatherette to match my beanbag. I don't think I ever told you it was blue did I?
Second, I will hire a dozen large breasted beauties who I will pay to feed me chips topless while I lie, spreadeagled over said chaise lounge. Thats real fuckin' chips I'm talkin about, not fuckin crisps and I don't mean fuckin french fries either you cunts. Proper chips. I like 'em like I like my women, big, fat and greasy with loads of salt and vinegar on 'em.
The first thing I am going to do is buy an antique Louis XV chaise lounge which I may consider having reupholstered in blue leatherette to match my beanbag. I don't think I ever told you it was blue did I?
Second, I will hire a dozen large breasted beauties who I will pay to feed me chips topless while I lie, spreadeagled over said chaise lounge. Thats real fuckin' chips I'm talkin about, not fuckin crisps and I don't mean fuckin french fries either you cunts. Proper chips. I like 'em like I like my women, big, fat and greasy with loads of salt and vinegar on 'em.
A man can dream......
Then, I am going to pay to bring Max Bygraves back from the dead. If he isn't dead yet, I will pay to have him killed then pay someone else to bring him back to life and I will buy the rights to Family Fortunes. I will relaunch it on late night cable as Filthy Family Fortunes and double my money.
Our survey said........wah,wah....
Like I said... A man can dream
7 comments:
I knew it was blue, Eddie. I know where you live too. I know you have 4 goldfish called Hubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble and a penchant for Proust. I know that sometimes you enjoy a quiet game of strip scrabble with the nice couple from next door. The fact is, Eddie, I know everything about you. I'm watching you now. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
By the way you're out of teabags.
I had you pegged as more of a red naugahyde kinda guy.
I'll take "teabagging" for one thousand dollars, please, Alex."
Speaking of teabags.... I teabagged your teabags.
Things that leave a bad taste in yer mouth, and the survey said....Rimming with 23, the top answer was Eddie Waring's Blog.
Eddie old bean you are on my lottery list The minute the lotto comes in tickets will arrive for you to come to Finland and party man Bog-style
Your lotto dreams are so much juicier than mine. I simply yearn for a purple metalflake lowrider. 1963 Chevy Impala with the Aztec volcano sacrafice airbrushed on the hood to be exact. Did I ever mention that I and my people hail from East LA?
Sam - All I wear for the Scrabble games is a one piece boiler suit. I am a big fan of winning by appearing to lose.
MJ - I did have a pair of red naugahyde underpants but they caused chafing so severe you could smell it.
FS - That would explain the metallic aftertaste. I thought the PG chimps were trying to poison me again.
Knudsen - Wash it down with a brew man. What's wrong with yer?
Paddy - Something tells me you would give Keef Richards a run for his money. I'm not sure I could go the distance with ya mate. I'm a bit out of practice these days.
FH - I wish I had my camera with me today. That very same scene was airbrushed in an amateurish fashion on the side of a roach coach on Whittier Blvd. And yes, you had.
Post a Comment