Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Who Ate All The Pies?

Whilst thumbing (yes, thumbing) through one of the wife's ladies magazines looking for slightly erotic underwear advertisements. I found an article on these fine specimens:



"Look wot we 'ave 'ere ladies! Let's pull his pants down an' see wot 'e's got fer us"

I give you 'The Chubsters'. A gang of London 'girls' who are " a bunch of fat freaks who don't do as we're told." Or so claims "The Beefer", she is the leader, the one in the middle in the rainbow jumper and 12 inch turn ups. She formed The Chubsters back in 2004 when she was used as "a headless fatty"on telly. The Beefburger went on to explain, "A headless fatty is when a fat person is used, without their consent, to illustrate the horrors of obesity. No one cuts off my head so they can spread some stupid lie about fat people, so I decided to form a gang and tear the house down."

The Beef Wellington is seen in the picture throwing the gang's sign "donut hands".

This is all a bit silly. I do not doubt that it is real, after all it was printed in a magazine. It has to be true. But really ladies. Do come on won't you?

You really are not doing much for the image of fat people, and I speak as a fat person and afficionado of the larger female. I don't dig skinny waif like birds. I like 'em with a bit of meat on them and if they fart at least as much as I do then all the better. However, if I walked into an alley and saw this bunch undressing me with their eyes and licking their lips like I was some deep fried pork chop, I would be running in the opposite direction faster than a French person. Most men, if they are true to themselves, would admit the same thing. I know of no one, no matter how low their standards, who would take their chances with these ladies. In particular the first 3 left to right on the front row. Let's face it, you would chew your arm off rather than wake them after a drunken night of doing whatever the hell they told you to do. Personally, I would rather be kicked to death.

They have a website, ChubsterGang.com, which I have yet to visit and they claim to have over 40 (!) members worldwide. They may soon have a new member in Southern California by the name of Edwina Waring (single, more to love, looking for my Mayor McCheese), as I intend to infiltrate their gang and, to borrow the words of The Beefer, "tear the house down".

All this talk of beef is making me quite peckish. I shall have to insist that Mrs. Waring make an Arby's run.

11 comments:

The Mistress said...

The Chubsters gave you a chubby, didn't they?

Fat Sparrow said...

Mmmmmm, Arby's. Our Arby's closed down, and I haven't had it in years, dammit.

Um, Arby's, that is. Haven't had Arby's in years.

Old Knudsen said...

I'm horny horny horny horny, so horny horny horny horny, I'm off to surf my fat fucker site.

D. C. Warmington said...

Blubber is the new black, according to my daily paper.

ellie said...

Scary stuff, have you listened to their gang anthem? Braying for blood they were!

Fresh Hell said...

That's it Eddie. You've convinced me. I'm cancelling my new gym membership and forgoing the salad for the fish and chips if it means my ample curves can reel in a stud like you.

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Trinny and Susannah say that bold pattern, large print or bigly floral patterns do little for the larger ladies and it looks like the proof of that is right there on the puddin'-filled tummies of these ladies.

FirstNations said...

oho, the wife reads 'Bust', does she??
just think...they jump you in by making you perform an act of public outrage...like taking a crap on a newspaper and setting it alight outside a beauty pageant venue.
RADICAL! WORD TO YO MOMMA!G-FAT IN THE HOUSE!
um, yeah.

Eddie Waring said...

MJ - It's the 'donut hands' gang sign. Very suggestive if I may be so bold.

FS - Last time I ate Arby's, about '96, I was shitting like a goose for 2 days. It tasted great at the time though.

Knudsen - Good luck man. If you find one you like, don't forget to tie a plank to your arse before embarking on intercourse. I get the impression that these lasses have snatches like bill posters buckets.

DCW - A man with your fashion sensilbilities should have already known that. Welcome, by the way to the beanbag, where leatherette is the new cashmere.

Ellie - No I haven't. Is it on their website? Is it downloadable? And is it free?

FH - Few things I like more than big, beautiful, women. If you happen to be all three of those things then you are on the 1st team. 2 out of three gets you on the bench and 1 out of 3 you are merely a reserve in case someone gets hurt.

Sam - Trinny and Susannah are very sad people. Like that twat on American (Pop) Idol. Constantly slagging people off for the way they look or act. I know these victims ask for it in a way, but I have a problem with the kind of joyful meanspiritedness (if that isn't a word - it is now) with which they cut people down.You would ever find that kind of behaviour on this blog.

1st Nations - Ha! Yeah, Bust is one of her favourite reads. Not enough nudity in it for my liking but I usually check it out just in case. The flaming dog poop outside the beauty pageant was hardly going to raise many eyebrows was it? But hey, if it makes them feel better....

Anonymous said...

There is a reason for the term Coyote Ugly! So ugly you would chew your own arm off to get away.
BTW.. I am all three!

Eddie Waring said...

Prudence - Welcome to LB. Thanks for stopping by. You are on the team. Mine's a Makers Mark and coke.