Tales of nonsense and items of little interest, sometimes true, always poorly thought through. Less sophisticated than most newspapers and magazines.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Pig Snouts! Get 'Em While They're Hot!

I just read a short piece in the LA times by Steve Lopez who is moaning about the price of a hotdog at Downtown LA's new Trifecta Sports Bar. I agree that $15 for a fuckin' hotdog is a bit steep, but they aren't catering to the 4am Pink's crowd or your average Wienerchnitzel punter such as I. Their location is a stones throw from the city's financial district and the type of customer they are trying to attract are more than overjoyed to pay $15 for a hotdog that has been specially 'imported' from Chicago, just so they can tell their snooty fuckin friends about it down at the raquet club. You definately will not catch me in there, or at the raquet club for that matter, since I violated their strict 'no urinating on the courts policy' my name is mud down there.

Now I consider myself no fool. I suspect I know full well what goes into hotdogs, but as they taste so good washed down with several imported non-american beers, I allow my hedonistic urges to make the call over common sense on this one and eat the fuckers anyway. Shit, I even like the canned ones you get in the UK. When you get in at 3am totally wankered you will eat practically anything that will go between two slices of bread, it's amazing how good cold Princes canned hotdogs taste at that time in the morning.

One of the major manufacturers of hotdogs here in Southern California is LA's own Farmer John. They have had the contract with the LA Dodgers for many, many years and produce the succulent foot long treats that are 'Dodger Dogs'. Baseball is a guilty pleasure of mine and I like going to games, eating Dodger Dogs and drinking (overpriced) beer. Anyway, Farmer John don't just make hotdogs, they have a wide range of delectable pork products and lard, one of which is Liverwurst, a pate like substance shaped into a sausage German stylee and one which I developed something of a taste for last year.

As I said, I'm no fool. I know all about the alleged unethical treatment of animals in the manufacture of such stuff. I know that the ingredients used to make such things are not choice cuts of prime pork loin. Liverwurst, as the name implies has nasty things in it but even I admit to almost dropping my liverwurst on toast one morning as I read the label. The three main ingredients were:

  1. Pork - Makes sense
  2. Pork Liver - Okay, liver goes in Liverwurst.
  3. Pork Snouts - What the fuck?

Pork Snouts? Fuckin' dogs eat pork snouts! Okay, maybe some of our South and Central American friends enjoy them too, but fuckin' pork snouts? I was mildly shocked and almost didn't finish my toast as I contemplated where the line should be drawn. I mean, what parts of a pig can be classified as simply pork and what parts need further clarification? Should such products be subject to some kind of warning on the label? Pictures of pigs sniffing each others arses or foraging in their own shit for rotten carrots and onions thrown in by the farmer? I'm pretty sure the industry would resist legislation, much like the tobacco industry doesn't want pictures of still born babies on their product, as it puts off the occasional would be buyer.

Where the fuck am I going with this? I'm half pished now and things are getting a bit jibbery wongery.

Okay, yeah, so it's a matter of choice innit? If you don't like paying $15 for a hotdog, don't. Go to Wienerschnitzel and pay $2. It's all the same stuff with a few different spices and a bit more or less salt and pepper thrown in, and if you want a delicious hotdog without pork by products, try Hebrew's Best, made for our Jewish cousins and supervised by a Rabbi they are almost guaranteed to have no pig snouts.

14 comments:

HKMGB said...

Mate, you want to see some of the shit that gets eaten over here.

Pig snouts? I relish them.

26-18. Woo hoo!

The Mistress said...

I recently tasted my first pork scratchings. The stench is vile! No pigs snouts listed in the ingredients though.

Anonymous said...

In Prague you could buy a hotdog in a bun thing for about 20 pence... mostly pork genitalia I guess?

Sam, Problem-Child-Bride said...

Have you seen these deep-fried pork skins you get in gas-stations? They call them pig's assholes in the Midwest. The first time I was out with the people from work back in Minnesota, they passed a packet around: "Pig's asshole anyone? Sam, you sure you won't."

I damn nearly flew right back home to my mammy and to good and decent people who don't eat pig's assholes.

Even now I know it's just deep fried skin (although, really, how is that any better?) I still twitch when my husband eats them.

Momentary Madness said...

who would eata Dachshund between two pieces of bread too german for me and I was married to one once upon a time a person not a dachshund although sometimes........... cheers Eddie

ellie said...

Pictures of pigs sniffing each others arses or foraging in their own shit
Can't see Tesco adopting this labelling policy somehow but thanks for a genuine laugh out loud moment.

FirstNations said...

then you really don't want to know that your liverwurst is encased in pig intestine, do you.
i mean, provided it's natural. supermarket grade wurst is packed in collagen. and guess where they get collagen from?
thats right! ground up pig noses! and boiled bones, skin, ears and hooves. strained, whipped, and rolled out into sheets!
wanna hear more about meat processing? i know alllllll kinds of stuff. i live in farm country!

Old Knudsen said...

alleged unethical treatment of animals

They love it I mean what else are they going to do? and they get their meals.
Don't forget pig's trotters yummy.

Eddie Waring said...

Lambent - I shudder to think. Someday I will tell my nasty burrito story.

MJ - Pork Scratchings, disgusting as they sound, are a real treat to eat. I like 'em.

Mutley - Isn't 20p the going rate for genitalia in Prague?

Sam - Sound like Chicharrones, or Pork Scractchings to you, me and MJ.

Paddy - Sausage dog on toast with a bit of HP sauce sounds delightful.

Ellie - The pleasure is all mine. I can't see it happening either, although with those crazy Euro types you never know.

First Nations - Mmmmm, you have a way of making it sound so sexxy.

Knudsen - Here in the US and A you can buy Pigs Feet in Jars. Maybe Foot Eater would be interested in a few jars?

The Mistress said...

I'll send you my leftover pork scratchings. Tazzy and Piggy, Yorkshire's finest poofs, sent a bag of 'em to me in the post but I couldn't stomach the entire packet. I just can't get past the smell.

Foot Eater said...

Sam is condemning certain American fried-food habits, while hailing from a country that offers in its culinary establishments deep-fried Mars Bars, deep-fried red pudding, and for all I know deep-fried menses.

Eddie Waring said...

MJ - Can't you buy em in Canada? I thought they were a worldwide phenomenom.

Señor Eater - And Irn Bru. Don't forget Irn Bru.

The Mistress said...

We have pork rinds in Canada and purists claim they're not the same thing. Yes, pork scratching purists.

Anonymous said...

Pork Scratching are indeed quite disgusting.

It's Tazzy that loves 'em, not me!