Chipmunk Fever

First of all, Merry Christmas to you too, especially MJ, Ellie and Bock who despite my extended absence took the time to wish me well. Knudsen too, who even though his traditional celtic upbringing forbids even the mention of the C word, I know was quietly thinking it as he toasted the winter solstice with his glass of goat blood.

Where have I been you may ask? What have I been up to? Who was I doing it to? Is it true that I recently made out with Florence Henderson and Neil Patrick Harris on the same night?
To answer those questions in reverse order..... No. Innocent bystanders. Messing with folks heads. Work, home, bed, weekend in the Bay Area, back home, back to bed, back to work.

I have found that it's mentally harder on me not to blog than to actually sit down and blog. I'm not a quitter. Sometime over the last month this blog quietly turned 1 (Happy Blogday FH!). I celebrated by getting drunk on Jameson, poking a hole in a picture of Nigella Lawson and making love to it while Mrs. Waring slept soundly next to me (note to self: get more rohypnol).

Me Love You Long Time

So yesterday, in a blinding moment of insanity, I decide to take the child to the movies. Now several months ago, when the evil film studio started to put out trailers and advertising for the movie, the child, being 6 years old fell for it hook, line and sinker and has been waiting for it to come out ever since. I had told her several times that her mum had promised to take her to see it. That was never going to happen though as Mrs. W knows a turd when she sees one and steadfastly refused. So I took one for the team and wearily coughed up the $16 the bastards had the cheek to charge. I like Jason Lee and I love David Cross but this film was SHITE. I have always hated the fuckin' chipmunks with a passion thanks to the ultra shite cartoon that was on telly when I was a kid. Turns out that they had been around since the late 50's when the creator inhaled bug spray by mistake, wandered into the forest and was lost for three days. I can understand the initial appeal of the chipmunks to the people of the time, they could sing, dance and were not at all black. I can understand people saying "Ya gotta hear this! Singing chipmunks!! How cuuuute!!!" I cannot understand how anyone would not want to smash the record to tiny pieces after just two or three listens. It's the kind of evil that MUST be destroyed before it takes over your entire existence, as it is trying to do to me now. I have had the stupid fuckin' chipmunk Christmas song in my head since I left the movie theater yesterday. Even the usual "I Dream of Jeannie" trick isn't working. I am going to try and get drunk today, fall and hit my head hoping that will cure me.

I love my daughter and will do anything I can to make her happy but she owes me big time for this. A stupid, stupid, stupid fuckin' film that should never have been made. How these people sleep at night is beyond me....

DIE MUTHAFUCKAAAAA!!!!