Fake It 'Til You Make It
I was checking my shatcounter earlier today and, as I always do, making notes of intriguing searches by way of which people find my blog. Today there was only one of interest and I wrote it down on a piece of paper to remind me to research further later. I don't know what time this was but I was still tired so I went back to bed and slept some more.
When I sat back down at the PC a few minutes ago, this is what I found:
Apparently Mrs. W had seen the note and not for the first time, being filthy of mind, had jumped to conclusions. I thought I had better explain and did so. She seemed unconvinced though and simply said " I thought you were just being, you know....yourself."
Why the fuck would I be writing something like "fake spunk mixtures" on a piece of paper other than for blogging reasons? It's not like there were also ingredients and a "how to" list attached. Besides, my spunk is perfectly fine, sure it might be a bit spicy right now due to the beans and hot sauce, but colour and texture wise it looks fine to me.
Who the fuck would be searching for this? A pre-pubescent teenager trying to impress his friends? A prankster looking to surprise his girlfriend? Early preparations for Halloween? An aspiring porn actor? Knudsen?
Not that I would know, but I think that the following would be an acceptable substitute:
- Clear corn syrup
- A bit of milk
- Salt to taste
14 comments:
In a New York City gay bar there’s a contest where men ejaculate into plastic cups and their spooge samples are judged according to visual presentation.
Not sure if they’re judged on flavour. I’ll look into it.
Makes a nice change from darts, I suppose.
How about wallpaper paste?
Shit I was just about to say wall paper paste. Imagine yer wife thinking yer a dirty cont. "oh honey I just wank over midget porn for me blog."
Or "he didn't mean anything, he was just a blog post."
Yer wife is right you are disgusting you black pudding sucker.
My oatmeal is lumpy this morning.
It was me ....
I wanted pearl necklace for Christmas and since no one gave me one I decided to make my own.
Oh the shame, you have outed me :(
I don't know what to say except you're going to get even more gheys cumming to your blog now!
...and also i want to say that I would have accomodated Ellie with a nice string of pearls...
MJ(x3) - Admit it, as you ate your oatmeal you were thinking about this post.
Knudsen - She is always right, even when she's wrong.
Ellie - What did you use to make your own? How does it compare to the real thing?
Marky - Everybody is welcome here at LB. Well almost, I don't care much for Israeli's, especially gay ones....which is all of them.
I was thinking about Knudsen.
Which makes two of us.
Well okay, but I was not eating oatmeal at the time. For the record, I was talking to my mum on the phone.
Left over bread sauce, extra salt and a turkey baster ......
Knudsen helped me dispense the mixture from the turkey baster whilst singing Pearl Necklace by ZZTop ...
She gets a charge out of bein' so weird,
Digs gettin' downright strange.
But I can keep a handle on anything,
Just this side of deranged.
She was gettin' bombed,
And I was gettin' blown away,
And she held it in her hand
And this is what she had to say:
A pearl necklace.
She wanna pearl necklace.
He said his own turkey baster was over used, it being Christmas and all that.
Ellie - Why didn't I think of bread sauce? You can't buy it over here. Fucking bible bashing puritans
Is Clone cum real or fake? what about sterile blokes like Tom Cruise is that classed as fake?
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