Help The Homeless
Every now and again I watch the news on telly and there will be a story that really reminds you how lucky you are. Today I saw a story about the homeless savages living on the streets of Downtown LA's skid row. This story, like all the others reminded me how things I take for granted, some people will never have. So I put on my coat and drove downtown to gloat and taunt the dirty fuckers with pictures of me in the bath eating a turkey leg. Soon a crowd started to gather, they didn't seem interested in hearing how they too could have the things I have if only they would clean themselves up a bit, stop smoking crack, get a job and save about 50 grand for a downpayment on a home. Maybe then they would develop a bit of self respect. But like I said, they seemed angry so I left. They were probably just moody 'cause it's forecast rain.
As I drove home I started to think about things I could do to help them. It came to me in a flash. Every day I brush my hair, some hair comes out and gets stuck in the brush, new hair grows back. What have I lost? Nothing. What happens to the hair in the brush? I mail it to Jennifer Aniston. Does Jennifer Aniston ever write back to say "thanks"? Does she fuck. So instead of sending good hair to some stuck up ungrateful bitch of a movie star, why not use it to knit scarves for the homeless? The weather is turning a bit nippy here in Southern California and they will need something to keep the chill off their chests. When the weather turns warm, they can use it as a pillow.
The only question is, how much should I charge?
4 comments:
If there were more people like you the world would be a better place. Now, to the scarves, knitted from your hair which I'm sure is even better quality than mohair, I think the price should be around $500. Maybe you could also consider selling them furniture as an incentive to get the lazy fuckers off the street and into getting a mortgage.
Send the hair to me. I'm a mad-skilled fiber wizard and I can spin it and knit it up. I'm just a little sick and wrong (read: desperate and compulsive) when it comes to knitting.
When you were downtown, did you have the good sense to stop by Grand Central market to get some mole? I miss having Mexican food readily available. Makes me wonder what the hell I was thinking when I left California.
Emma - Minds like ours truly can make a difference. I have plans for a whole line of textiles. Blankets woven from eyelashes, nostril hair facecloths and the like.
Freshie - I avoid Grand Central Market since I made a startling discovery inside a burrito. I will tell you about it someday. Your knitting creations intrigue me...
I go around the streets dispensing advice to homeless people, I say "get a job" then they say "you get a job" and thats me tied up logically .
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