Snack Time

As is the tradition in this house, the 2nd Wednesday of every month is a time to honour the most revered of bovid mammals. Ovis aries, the domesticated sheep. Those amongst you with one track minds will no doubt assume that by "honour" I mean "put my dick inside". I assure all opponents of bestiality that is far from the case. I tried it once and it was shite, the fucker also gave me a troublesome rash that took several months to cure. No, by "honour" I mean just that. A day of thanks and appreciation, culminating in the eating of a delicacy once consumed by the Kings and Queens of certain barbaric middle eastern countries. Considered by many to have aphrodisiac qualities as well as a cure for parrot fever and the lesser known kinkajou disease, the pituitary gland of the sheep was much sought after in the early years of the 19th century. However, several deaths from overdose and a widely publicized article by pre-eminent Dutch agony uncle Pieter Van Der Hiert in which he rejected it's use as an aphrodisiac, claiming that he "ate a dozen sauteed in ginger and it was still like putting toothpaste back into the tube", convinced the public that the pituitary gland's health benefits were limited and not worth the nausea and projectile vomiting that invariably follow ingestion. The craze petered out and trading in the gland was suspended.

Now, thanks to an understanding and perverted local butcher, the pituitary gland is once again available and although passed unfit for human consumption by the US Department of Agriculture, is developing a small but loyal following, despite the fact that you have to remove it yourself from the severed heads of sheep smuggled in from Mexico. This is a messy and unpleasant business which I find more tolerable by playing something light hearted and happy like The Bee Song by Arthur Askey.

So, this month I plan eating the fruit of my labour served on toast with a nice apricot and stilton sauce and steamed broccoflower. I have selected a rather cheeky little Boones Farm pineapple wine cooler to compliment the main dish and a packet of chocolate Hob Nobs for desert.

Tonight I'm gonna get me some lovin'!