Undercover Jew

Inmate fighting for kosher meals

ST. LOUIS - A Missouri inmate once labeled a white supremacist is fighting for his right to be served kosher meals in prison.

Norman Lee Toler, serving a 10-year sentence for statutory rape, insists he is Jewish despite guards at an Illinois penitentiary catching him with photos of Adolf Hitler and white supremacist literature. He also has several white supremacist tattoos, including a fresh "SS," the name of a Nazi unit.

Toler argued in federal court that his soul will be in jeopardy if he is forced to eat nonkosher food.

In the lawsuit, Toler said prison officials repeatedly denied his requests for kosher food, violating federal law and his constitutional right of religious expression.

Missouri Department of Corrections spokesman Brian Hauswirth said the state might have to change the policy for verifying inmates' religious preferences - they currently do it by checking a box - if Toler wins the case.

They should give it to him, just the nasty stuff though. See how soon he gets sick of a diet consisting solely of Gefilte Fish, Borscht and Matzo Ball Soup with the smell of bacon wafting in from the prison kitchen.

Jewish Porn - Cheap & Edible

Enough!!!

When will this shite end?

I don't watch much network TV, especially quiz and reality shows, I don't have the time nor the desire. I am proud to say that I have never actually seen many of the most popular shows on telly. I enjoy participating in conversations about who really should have won Dancing With The Stars, I throw names in there of people who weren't even on the show. I ask the others if they laughed as much as I did when so and so ripped their pants or when you caught a quick glimpse of Martha Stewarts beaver when she did the splits. I'm not saying I'm a cut above, well okay maybe I am, but it's just not my thing. I don't enjoy them. I would rather watch an Oprah marathon than Big Brother or Survivor. Truth be told, I would rather be blind than see either.

That's a bit extreme. I don't want to be blind. Having womens tits described to me is just not an acceptable substitute for seeing them for myself. A life without porn is like a life without.....there is no comparison. I have three wishes, I don't want to burn to death, I don't want to drown and I would easily prefer deafness over blindness. They can fix deafness these days, or so I hear.

So, I just got through watching The Simpsons with the kid. Great episode, the one where Smithers goes on holiday and Homer takes over from him as Burns' assistant. As the titles rolled, I put her to bed, tucked her in and gave her a kiss. Mrs. W is out on the town somewhere, no doubt doing lines of coke off a rent boy's arse in some seedy motel room, so it is a rare night of peace and quiet for yours truly. I don't often get "me time", time where I can relax, put on the nipple clamps and offer up my sacrificial fluids to the weather girl on Channel 9. Tonight was one of those rare nights, so as I closed the kids bedroom door and slid across the deadbolt, you can imagine my excitement and anticipation of the pleasure to come.

I made my way back out into the living room where I was dismayed to see the face of stupidfuckinidiot Jeff Fuckin' Foxworthy no less. I'm not a fan of Foxworthy or any of those so called "Blue Collar Comedians". Fuckin' millionaire hypocrites that they are, did you know that Foxworthy has his own brand of beef jerky now? What's next? Larry The Cable Guy Lard? Bastards....

I have never seen "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader". So you can imagine my shock and subsequent "deflation" at the sight of Shiteworthy (wearing glasses, to make him seem smarter than a fuckin' 5th grader no doubt) introducing none other than Billy Bush.

(left to right) Not Funny, Slightly Amusing

Yet Another Beady Eyed Twat - Not Clever or Funny (runs in the family)

I had only seen Billy Bush once before, I think it was the Oscars preshow or the Golden Globes or something last year, so I was vaguely aware of him being a presenter on ET or some such shite and I remember thinking what a cunt he was then. What I didn't know was that he was Prez G.W. Bush's cousin. When you know this and see the fucker, you can see the resemblance and it makes you hate him even more. I didn't leave the TV on long enough to find out if he was in fact smarter than a 5th grader or even G.W for that matter. I think it's safe to assume that it was a tie on both counts.

Finding blood in your cack - More laughs than a

barrel of Blue Collar Comedians

I'm so fuckin' mad I could write an angry letter to Rupert Murdoch....probably won't though. I'm too shitfaced so I'm going to bed.

Sincerely,
Disgusted in Los Angeles

Disgraceful....

What sick kind of person would be giving tainted vodka to mongs? I can understand them not giving them the good vodka, as that would be a waste.....

Tainted vodka kills 11 in Mongolia New Year's celebrations

ULAN BATOR, Mongolia (AP) -- At least 11 people died and another 21 were hospitalized for drinking tainted vodka during New Year's Eve celebrations in Mongolia's capital, a government official said Tuesday.

An emergency has also been announced for Baganuur district of Ulan Bator where the deaths happened, city governor's office announced.

That means all shops were closed and further celebrations were banned, said Ganbold Khurlee, an official in the office. New Year's Day is also a holiday in Mongolia - a largely poor, landlocked country sandwiched between China and Russia.

He said tests showed that the vodka was made with methanol spirits normally used for nonfood purposes like cleaning.

"Relevant government agencies have determined that various vodkas produced by this company contained up to 30 percent methanol spirits," he said.

New Year's celebrations where vodka is widely consumed is a holdover from the days when Mongolia was a satellite state of the Soviet Union.

Fake It 'Til You Make It

I was checking my shatcounter earlier today and, as I always do, making notes of intriguing searches by way of which people find my blog. Today there was only one of interest and I wrote it down on a piece of paper to remind me to research further later. I don't know what time this was but I was still tired so I went back to bed and slept some more.

When I sat back down at the PC a few minutes ago, this is what I found:
Apparently Mrs. W had seen the note and not for the first time, being filthy of mind, had jumped to conclusions. I thought I had better explain and did so. She seemed unconvinced though and simply said " I thought you were just being, you know....yourself."

Why the fuck would I be writing something like "fake spunk mixtures" on a piece of paper other than for blogging reasons? It's not like there were also ingredients and a "how to" list attached. Besides, my spunk is perfectly fine, sure it might be a bit spicy right now due to the beans and hot sauce, but colour and texture wise it looks fine to me.

Who the fuck would be searching for this? A pre-pubescent teenager trying to impress his friends? A prankster looking to surprise his girlfriend? Early preparations for Halloween? An aspiring porn actor? Knudsen?

Not that I would know, but I think that the following would be an acceptable substitute:

• Clear corn syrup
• A bit of milk
• Salt to taste

Anyone else have any ideas now that future searchers are bound to find this?

A Treat To Eat

Like millions of people all over the World, I too made the same old New Years resolution to lose weight and start yet another diet on January 1^st. The first day went well, mostly due to the fact that I slept all day, woke for an hour or two to drink a couple of Stella Artois then went back to bed and slept through the night. Yesterday started well, I went to the store and bought some green leaf salad, cooked chicken breast and some cherry tom-ah-toes and ate a very healthy lunch.

It was my turn for late night coverage at work and so I didn’t get home until after 7pm at which time, like many millions of people all over the world said “Fuck it!” and opened a bottle of wine which I then drank quickly. So you know how it goes, you have a drink or two and get the hunger. I will eat practically anything at that point, generally the spicier the better, but in the absence of frozen curries or cans of chili, improvisation is the key.

I am no culinary genius. I can cook, pretty well in fact given that I am a) male, b) English, and c) a proper lazy fucker when I’m at home. When I put my mind to things, plan and buy the ingredients I can actually turn out something that is both edible and tasty. Mrs. Waring is a much luckier woman than most of you probably think.

So last night, looking through the cupboards and weighing up the options, it became obvious that I was going to have to employ my talents and creativity if my hunger was to be satisfied. I threw the ingredients in a saucepan and just 5 minutes later was sitting in bed next to the wife with a tasty bedtime treat.

“What the fuck are you eating?”

“I’m hungry. I made it myself.”

“Jesus Christ! A bowl of beans….”

“Not just any beans. Baked Beans a la Mexicano. It’s fuckin’ ace.”

“Shit….I hope you took some Beano.”

“No, we are out. I would have though if we had any.”

“For fuck’s sake, open the window….”

Happily I ate my beans, mopping up the sauce with 2 slices of bread. It was one of the most enjoyable meals I had eaten for quite some time and it was barely 10 minutes before the magic began to work. A series of long, loud ripsnorters tore through the silence of the bedroom, scenting the normally stale sweaty sock (hers) air with a most unsavoury miasma. How I laughed as the punches rained down on me….. for anyone interested, the recipe is as follows:

1 Tin Heinz Baked Beans

1 Teaspoon Garlic Powder

8 Dashes Tapatio Hot Sauce

Empty into pan, heat until hot. Add more tapatio to taste. Enjoy with your partner. Serves 1.

Food Of The Gods

Like I Have Nothing Better To Do......

That bitter auld cunt Knudsen tagged me for a meme. This is only the second one that I have been hit with and after the first one I said that I would never do another 'cause they are shite. I'm going to play along though but I'm not playing by the rules and I'm not tagging anyone so if I suddenly stop posting then it means that I was killed in some freak meme related accident so don't bother coming looking for me 'cause I will be dead.
Here are THE RULES:

Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog. Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself. Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a notification on their blog.

1. I always sniff my fingers after scratching my arse, just to see how much it stinks.

2. Whenever I produce a turd in the work bogs that is one single log measuring longer than 4 inches in length I don't flush it but leave it for the next user to marvel at.

3. I have never been stung by a bee.

4. I once kept a large scab from a big cut on my knee for 3 years wrapped in tin foil.

5. I consider yellow Opal Fruits to be the work of Satan.

6. I once had a wank over a picture of Una Stubbs as Aunt Sally from Worzel Gummidge.

7. I once dressed as Aunt Sally and had a wank over a picture of Worzel Gummidge.

Ooo-Arrr

Wheels On Fire

Disabled woman set fire to hair

A disabled woman was treated for burns after setting her hair on fire while trying to light a cigarette.

The 57-year-old wheelchair bound woman was treated for burns to the right side of her face and head at Bolton Hospital after the accident at 8.45pm on Boxing Day.
The woman from Warwick Street, Leigh, had leaned forward in her wheelchair to light the cigarette but the lighter had been set too high.

I needed that.....