Bonnie Baby Competition

Isn't having a child the most wonderful, life altering experience? Isn't an extra mouth to feed a financial burden beyond your worst dreams? Don't you wish you had used a rubber?

Yes, a new baby can be expensive and here at LB we want to do our bit and help some lucky new mum and some poor fuckin unemployed chav with the cost of bringing up baby. We are going to give the lucky winner of our Bonnie Baby Competition a years supply of Glade Air Freshener and two months supply of expired Heinz Baby Food (Cauliflower Cheese Flavour).

Here are the two lucky finalists:

This is proud dad, Dave Bensonandhedges, aged 13 of Blackpool. Pictured here with baby Rio Liam. Dave works as an attendant in the bogs on the Central Pier and recently took on a weekend job wanking off the donkeys to keep them from getting too frisky. Mum, Sheena, had nipped to the lav for a quick fag when this picture was taken. Dave says that when Rio grows up, he wants him to follow in his footsteps, wandering around the amusement arcade checking the returned change slots for 20p coins.

Unhappy Grandfather Reg, says that once Mum and Baby get out of hospital, he's going to kick the fuck out of Dave.

Here's a radiant new Mum and her special little bundle of joy, Paris Nicole. Delighted Mum, Angie Bollocks claims she doesn't really know who the father is. "It could be one of about 10 of our Brians mates" she said tearfully. I don't care which one it is, even if that Pakistani lad, I just want little Paris to grow up with a loving Dad. " My own Dad buggered off when I was born, so I know what it's like. He went out for 10 fags and the Football Pink and never came back. My mum did her best. I want Paris to have everything I never had."

Angie's mum, also in hostpital with a recurrence of her Irritable Bowel Syndrome, can't wait to see her new Granddaughter. "Doctor Gupta said she looks just like me" she said. "He said the baby shit six times yesterday and so did I. It feels like we are psychic or something.

Well people, ther you have it. please feel free to vote on who you think is the Bonniest baby with the most deserving scum for a parent. We will be presenting the winner with their Air Freshener and Baby Food on April 1st. Voting starts now, only 42 days left to vote so get a move on.