Killer Bunnies

You Laugh, You Learn, You Die

It seems that Fisher-Price is recalling over a half million of it’s “Laugh and Learn Bunny” toy after some adventurous child discovered that they could pull off it’s pompom nose and eat it. The toys were sold in stores between May and December 2006.

This kind of thing bewilders me. How is it that a huge multi-national company like Fisher-Price (a division of Mattel) can fail to identify a potentially fatal problem such as this but yet a pre-school kid can dissemble one in a matter of minutes? Don’t they have testers? Do they not check these things before they go on sale? How does this happen and why do we continually hear of threats to the lives of our kids?

Three words……Made In China.

Call me over protective, but I don’t want my kid dying because of corporate incompetence. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better than my kid dying because of my own incompetence as that would be shitty and I would be filled with guilt for the rest of my life. That would not do at all.

I think I have the solution, not just to Mattel’s problems but also to China’s population problem. I am visualizing a business venture here, a for sure money maker and all that is at risk is children’s lives. Before you all get upset and start calling me a heartless bastard let me put your mind at rest. I’m talking about Chinese kids, not ours, so it’s okay because they have too many of them anyway. Here’s how it works. We pay the fine to the Chinese Govt. incurred by families who have a 2nd child, in return for the child. Mattel pays us double the amount of the fine for the use of the baby in their toy testing facility. Some of the weaker, stupider babies pull off things like bunny noses and choke to death. Mattel are out a few quid due to the loss of one stupid baby, this is off-set by the millions they will potentially save each year by not being sued by the parents of western children who would otherwise have choked to death on the unsafe toy. The babies who survive the more dangerous pre-school toys will continue to test toys until they are old enough to start making them, probably aged 8 or 9. It’s a win/win/win situation.

The families are better off, one less mouth to feed, fine gets paid for them.
We make 100% profit on every kid we sell to Mattel.
Mattel saves millions at a small price.
Mattel also gets a ready made, company owned workforce.
The kids have a job for life, literally.
China’s population problem is addressed.

I’m offering you a once in lifetime chance to join me in this golden opportunity. All I’m asking in return is 5 Grand and your written promise not to sue me should I abscond with your money.

Who’s in?

Hello?